Luke: What a lie it all is!
Lorelai: All what is?
Luke: Families. I mean, they're just messes. It's like this spilled drink that just keeps spilling, and ya gotta keep cleaning it up, and you scrub and you scrub and you just can't get the stain up! Show me a happy family, just one. I mean, didn't that Tolstoy-guy say something about families?
Lorelai: Probably.
Luke: It's a famous thing he said. It's like: "all families are unhappy" or, or, or "happy on the surface", or "unhappy in the same way".
Lorelai: Sounds a little incomplete.
Luke: Well, y'know, maybe he couldn't complete the thought because he was dealing with his stinkin' family.

Rory: So, you're just sitting here watching TV?
Paris: I'm studying. Look at Ted Kennedy, huh? I always admired him as a senator, but you see him and think: It's just so unfair that fat men look good in suits. We girls get a couple of pounds and every piece of fashion betrays us.

Paris: It was his accent that did it. I'm such the total Anglophile. When I was a kid, I was in love with Neal Kinnock.
Rory: Who?
Paris: The former head of the Labour party. Teeth like a horse, but oh that voice. And then there was Roger Moore.
Rory: English accents are nice.

Lorelai: Were you supposed to meet me here?
Rory: No, I'm a surprise.
Lorelai: As was your conception.
Rory: I'll just be two minutes.
Lorelai: As was your conception.

Paris: Whoo, whoo! Good Morning Vietnam!
Lorelai: [on the phone] What was that?
Rory: Paris. She likes to do this thing in the morning with the triple espresso. It's like Jack Nicholson in Easy Rider.
Paris: Jumping Cattle Hockey!
Rory: Hey Paris, can you take this somewhere else, please?

Rory: I just ran into Jamie, and he's wandering around lonely, missing you, scared of losing you, and you're sitting here watching C-SPAN!
Paris: Nobody watches C-SPAN. It's just on in the background.

Lorelai: Wait, Luke is the most complicated guy I know who also owns a Doobie Brothers record.

Lorelai: [on the phone] So what do you think? An early morning tryst with the county dominatrix?
Rory: Hmm, does she have a bag?
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Then where would all her dominatrix stuff be?
Lorelai: Oh, maybe they're using all the stuff he keeps on hand?
Rory: Fishing pole?
Lorelai: Nolan Ryan's rookie card?
Rory: Mystery!
Lorelai: Mystery!

Paris: [on the phone] Well, probably not tonight, unfortunately. Things are really bad on my end. I know, I'm so sorry but tonight was tentative, remember? Tonight wasn't set in stone. Well, I'm - dead tired, I have tons of studying to do and we have a little drama going on here at the suite. Rory's small town friend, Lane, is crashing in with us. She got kicked out of her house, and she's in pretty bad shape. She's pretty heavy into the drugs, totally Nancy Spungening it, chasing the dragon, and I kind of have to be here for support. The chick's bouncing off the walls. Yeah. Tomorrow, sure, absolutely. Tonight was tentative, Jamie, I'm sure I told you to pencil it in. Pencil. Okay, bye.

Jason: Do we have time for coffee now? I haven't had any for hours.
Lorelai: For hours? When did you get up?
Jason: Five.
Lorelai: Wow, they have one of those in the morning too?