Lane Quote #182
Rory: Hey, have you called your mother yet?
Rory: Oh good, because the longer you wait, the easier it's going to be.
Lane: I still can't believe she didn't just show up in the middle of the night, kick down the door, douse the place with holy water.
Rory: Maybe she wanted a chance to cool off.
Lane: No, that's your mother. My mother's the kicker and the douser. No, Mrs. Kim is sending a message.
Rory: What message is that?
Lane: The message is, "You messed up, kid, and now you get to sit there and panic about what's gonna happen next, and while you're panicking thinking about what's gonna happen next, you get to find your own way home, cause the Mrs. Kim shuttle van service is closed for business."
Rory: So, it's a wordy message.
Quote from Kirk
Kirk: Lorelai, what time do you have?
Luke: Do not tell him. He already knows.
Kirk: I do not!
Luke: If you just wait for the bells, then you'll get to hear the bells, and then you'll know what time it is.
Kirk: Actually, that's not true. The other day I stood too close to the bells and they rang so loud that there's now a persistent ringing in my ears. Now I can't tell which are the church bells and which are the Kirk bells.
Lorelai: Oh, no. Did you go to the doctor?
Kirk: Yes, he said I have tinnitis. I looked it up on the web at "Celebrities Who Share Your Disease" and found that William Shatner is likewise afflicted.
Luke: Really, Kirk and Captain Kirk?
Kirk: The irony wasn't lost on me. Was that them?
Quote from Paris
Paris: When you boil it down, isn't the whole Israeli-Palestinian problem a case of sibling rivalry?
Professor Freedman: Follow up?
Paris: The Old Testament, it's all there. Israelis are descendants of Abraham and Sarah. Arabs are descendants of Abraham and his maid Hagar. So Israelis and Arabs both have the same dad, and both want the great nation God promised Abraham. They might as well be fighting over who gets the TV remote.
Quote from Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too
Lane: [on the phone] Need I mention the rock 'n' roll casualties from intra-band dating?
Rory: I know they're numerous.
Lane: Not that there's not success stories. I mean, you've got your Cramps, your Yo La Tengo, your Kim and Thurstons.
Rory: Sonny and Cher, the Early Years.
Lane: Plus, you've got bands that have survived breakups, No Doubt.
Rory: Wish they hadn't.
Lane: X, Supertramp, The White Stripes. But in the negative, you have...
Rory: Sonny and Cher, the Later Years.
Lane: Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac. I know of two country music stars whose backup singers shot them in the groin.
Rory: Whoa. That's wicked hate.
Quote from Application Anxiety
Rory: She's writing her drummer-seeks-rock-band ad.
Lane: And it's not reading right to me. Could you guys look it over?
Rory: Let's see. "Drummer with strong beat seeks band into the Accelerators, the Adolescents, the Adverts, Agent Orange, the Angelic Upstarts, the Agnostic Front, Ash..."
Rory: You went alphabetically.
Lane: Seemed tidy.
Lorelai: And a little OCD.
Rory: And a little long.
Lane: I can't make cuts.
Rory: It's three pages, single spaced – make cuts.
Lane: But this is the cut-down version. I mean, just from the letter A, I excluded AC/DC, the Animals, and A-Ha, footnoted as a guilty pleasure.