Luke: What's wrong? Lorelai, say something.
Lorelai: Hole!
Luke: How-
Lorelai: Hole.
Luke: It-
Lorelai: Hole!
Luke: I know it's a hole. How did it happen?
Lorelai: Dirt.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Dirt, bed, dirt. Hole.
Luke: Speak in sentences, come on. You found this when you got home.
Lorelai: Yes, a big hole!
Luke: It was sledgehammered.
Lorelai: With a very big sledgehammer.

Lorelai: What the hell has gotten into you?
Luke: I told Rory we were engaged.
Lorelai: What?! How? Where?
Luke: She came into the diner last night. It was awkward. I ended up telling her we were engaged.
Lorelai: Why would you do that?
Luke: Why? Because she had the face.
Lorelai: What face?
Luke: The Rory face. You know the face.
Lorelai: Yes, but, Luke, you have to ignore the Rory face.
Luke: That's easy for you to say.

Luke: She would've seen it in the paper eventually.
Lorelai: Seen what?
Luke: Our engagement.
Lorelai: How would it have ended up in the paper?
Luke: I don't know. She'd open up the paper to the back to these stupid pictures of a guy and a girl. Bill's a chiropractor. Nancy's a teacher. They met square dancing. They're on their honeymoon in Florida. And they got these smiles on their faces like their lives are gonna work out the way they dreamt or something suckers. Those things.
Lorelai: You played right into her hands. You can't do that. She can't just play on our emotions. She has to undo what she's done, get out of my parents' house, go back to school.
Luke: Fine. Maybe I shouldn't have told her anything. Maybe I should've kicked her out, ignored her, whatever. But you got to understand something I'm in the middle. Yeah, she's your daughter, but I'm in the middle.
Lorelai: I know. You are in the middle.
Luke: Good, because you've been acting like you don't know, like you're alone in this or something.
Lorelai: I know.
Luke: And I know you don't want my opinion on this, but you're both being dumb, and you should be talking. There. I won't say anything more about any of this again ever.

Lorelai: Repaying your debt to society, I assume.
Rory: That's what this is.
Lorelai: System already hardened you?
Rory: So, I guess congratulations are in order.
Lorelai: So, how are things at the new digs?
Rory: You guys set a date yet?
Lorelai: Grandma redecorate the pool house yet?
Rory: Be sure to send me a picture.
Lorelai: Be sure to send me a change-of-address card. Grandma can print them out for you with a little fleur-de-lis.
Rory: I'm not supposed to be talking to outsiders.
Lorelai: Fine.
Rory: You and Luke getting engaged and not telling me about it. You hurt me.
Lorelai: Back at you.

Lorelai: I'm not going to bolt. I'm staying put.
Sookie: Good, because the eyes will give you away.
Lorelai: What do you mean?
Sookie: If you think of bolting, they'll pop out on you like that runaway bride. It's like the eyes are trying to run away first.

Lorelai: Hello, Porky. Hello. O-h-h-h. Well, I'm feeling a little guilty because of the you-L.T. I had yesterday. That's right, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Emily: What's that?
Richard: It's my new ringtone.
Emily: I love it.
Richard: I'll have Katie come up with some suggestions for yours. Maybe some Burt Bacharach.

Emily: Tell me she didn't ask you to help.
Rory: Oh, no, no. She didn't. I just... I don't know. I just thought I would pitch in.
Emily: Well, you shouldn't. This is her job. She's paid to do this.
Rory: I know.
Emily: And what was that language?
Rory: Spanish.
Emily: Spanish? They don't like it when you talk to them, Rory. It throws them off their axis.

Lorelai: And, you know, this little guy has already taught me something I didn't know. Just because they make it for a dog doesn't mean a dog is gonna like it. Toys, including squeakies and the "whazzup" variety... no interest. Rawhide bones, no interest. Popcorn, scared of it.
Luke: Scared of popcorn?
Lorelai: Yeah, and also of tissue holders, paperbacks, CDs, framed pictures, and lint. Oh, and when I drink something, he gets freaked out like I'm gonna die, and I have to pick him up and rock him like a baby until he calms down. It's been quite a first day for us.

Luke: Look, should I ask the question that immediately came to mind when I first saw the thing, or should I just shut up?
Lorelai: No, shoot.
Luke: Is it okay for you-
Lorelai: That hamster was defective, period. Plus, they only live like three years. I looked it up, and and and he would have been dead by now anyway. So, world, stop with the hamster already.
Luke: But the turtle-
Lorelai: The same thing with the turtle.
Luke: Yeah, but they live to be 90.