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‘Christopher Returns’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Gilmore Girls: Christopher Returns

115. Christopher Returns

Aired March 1, 2001

When Rory's father, Christopher, visits Stars Hollow for the first time, his and and Lorelai's parents get together for the first time in years.

Quote from Richard

Lorelai: Mom, neither of these two have any musical talent.
Christopher: Hey, I play guitar. The opening lick to Smoke On The Water. And I've mastered the opening lick to Jumpin' Jack Flash.
Richard: I'm a Chuck Berry man myself. [Lorelai snorts] Something wrong?
Lorelai: I would never have guessed that last sentence would ever come out of your mouth.
Richard: And why not?
Lorelai: Chuck Berry?
Richard: Yes, Chuck Berry. He was all the rage when I was in school.
Lorelai: So we're talking pre "My Ding-A-Ling"?
Richard: I believe I am.

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Quote from Lorelai

Christopher: She has a Dean?
Lorelai: She has a Dean.
Christopher: How did this happen?
Lorelai: Well, a single-celled organism crawled out of the primordial ooze and that pretty much led to Dean.
Christopher: [sighs] I need a beer.

Quote from Lorelai

Sookie: You, get in here and tell me about the happenings at home.
Lorelai: I assume you mean, '"Dd we get our toaster fixed?" And no, it's been cold Pop-Tarts for a week. It's like a damn Dickens' novel.

Quote from Rory

Rory: This is the town flower shop. Over there is a good pizza place. That's the stationery store. And that's Al's Pancake World.
Christopher: Good pancakes?
Rory: Oh, he doesn't serve pancakes.
Christopher: Okay.
Rory: He switched to international cuisine a couple of years ago and dropped the pancakes. He would have dropped the name but he had already printed, like, a million napkins with the original name so he just kept it.
Christopher: What kind of international cuisine?
Rory: He kind of hops around. Last month, it was his salute to Paraguay.
Christopher: Anyone salute back?
Rory: Not really.

Quote from Richard

Richard: Christopher, old boy, how are you? My gosh, it's good to see you.
Christopher: How are you, Richard?
Richard: Well, I'm better than most. Not as good as some.
Christopher: And annoyed with all.
Richard: [chuckles] You speak the truth, young man. I have made martinis.

Quote from Lorelai

Emily: Do you remember when the two of you were ten and you put on that adorable show for us?
Lorelai: What show, Mom?
Christopher: Lucy, Schroeder, you laying on the coffee table.
Lorelai: You pretending it was a piano. God, why is that remembered?
Emily: Because it was such a wonderful production.
Lorelai: Eh, I don't know if it was a production. It was just one song.
Christopher: "Suppertime".
Richard: Did you write that? That was really very good.
Lorelai: Dad, that's from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. It's a famous musical.
Richard: Well, I thought Christopher might have written it. He's a very talented man.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: I hate President Bush.
Straub: What?
Emily: Lorelai.
Christopher: Oh, boy.
Lorelai: He's stupid. And his face is too tiny for his head. And I just wanna toss him out.
Straub: That is the leader of our country, young lady.
Richard: Ignore her.
Francine: "His face is too tiny for his head", what kind of a thing is that to say?
Straub: I see your daughter's just as out of control as ever, Richard.

Quote from Richard

Richard: You don't need to be protected, Lorelai. You've made it very clear that you can look after yourself and that you need nothing from anyone.
Lorelai: That's not-
Richard: A member of my family was being attacked. The very Gilmore name was being attacked. I will not stand for that, not under any circumstances.
Lorelai: Okay, it doesn't really matter why you did it.
Richard: Yes, it does matter why I did it. It matters greatly! Lorelai, what are you going to take away from this? That everything that happened in the past is suddenly fine because I defended you?
Lorelai: No.
Richard: That the hell you put your mother and me through for the past 16 years is suddenly washed away? Well, it's not!
Lorelai: We've all been through hell.
Richard: I had to tell my friends, my colleagues that my only daughter, the brightest in her class was pregnant and was leaving school.
Lorelai: That must have been devastating.
Richard: And then you run away and treat us as lepers. Your mother couldn't get out of bed for a month. Did you know that? Did you?
Lorelai: No.
Richard: We did nothing to deserve that. Nothing to earn that.

Quote from Richard

Lorelai: I get it, I'm horrible. So why don't you disown me and adopt Christopher? You love him.
Richard: Don't be a martyr, Lorelai. And don't be naive. Do you think I love the boy who got my daughter pregnant? I wanted to kill him. I would have, too, with my bare hands. But there was a proper procedure to be followed in a situation like this.
Lorelai: Marriage.
Richard: Christopher was willing to follow the procedure we laid out. You weren't.
Lorelai: What about what I wanted? Dad, didn't that matter to you at all?
Richard: Sometimes one has to sacrifice something in order to do what is right.
Lorelai: I feel indescribably sad for you right now, Dad.
Richard: Save your emotions, Lorelai. I've had my fill of them tonight.
Lorelai: So, um, we just end it here? Nothing resolved?
Richard: I'm tired.
Lorelai: Okay. Okay.

Quote from Emily

Emily: That was quite a bit of excitement tonight.
Rory: Oh, yeah.
Emily: Not the good kind.
Rory: Nope.
Emily: None of this means anything, Rory.
Rory: I know.
Emily: Straub is actually a good man, very smart. He was one of the top lawyers in his field. A very arcane aspect of international law. And he's always been so active in his community. His charity work has never diminished over the years. Oh, let's face it, he's a big ass. Rory, I know you heard a lot of talk on various disappointments this evening. And I know you've heard a lot of talk about it in the past. But I wanna make this very clear. You, young lady, your person and your existence have never ever been, not even for a second, included in that list. Do you understand me?
Rory: Yeah, I do.
Emily: Good. Now eat up.

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