Lorelai: Um, hey, Sookie, um, when did you know for sure?
Sookie: About what?
Lorelai: That you were pregnant. How could you tell?
Sookie: Don't you remember? "Norman Mailer!"
Lorelai: Mm. Right, right. "Norman Mailer!"
Sookie: I wonder how Norman is. I had a dream about him the other night, and he was yelling at someone to shut up and read Joyce.

Kirk: You overcharged me for the toast. It's only supposed to be $1.
Luke: I didn't overcharge you, Kirk. I raised the price of wheat toast. It's a $1.10.
Kirk: You're kidding.
Luke: I don't do toast humor.
Kirk: $1.10 from $1? That's a ten percent bump.
Luke: It's a dime, Kirk.
Kirk: I could refuse to pay.
Luke: Then I'll steal your bike.
Kirk: That's never worked before.

Luke: I haven't raised the price of my toast in seven years, Kirk. It's still a bargain.
Kirk: I'll give you a $1.04.
Luke: No.
Kirk: $1.05. That's my last offer.
Luke: Do I look like E-bay?
Kirk: I take my toast dry. Isn't there a butter and jam discount?
Luke: No.
Kirk: What about your chairs? I'm light, and I tend to plop my butt directly on the chair without sliding, so there's practically no wear and tear.
Luke: There's no discount for direct butt-plopping.
Kirk: What about-
Luke: Fine. $1.05. It's $1.05. You got it.

Lorelai: I nearly cried when I read it.
Luke: Good.
Lorelai: And the fact that when Emily Gilmore reads it, she's going to hire men to attack me with tire irons, well, that's something else altogether.
Luke: What'd they put in?
Lorelai: Not every heinous thing I said about her, but enough. I mean, it's good stuff, it's funny. Maybe if I told them not the face.
Luke: Who?
Lorelai: The guys, with the tire irons.

Lorelai: Chicks being hatched? That's Easter.
Rory: No, I know, but I figured hatching is birth, so we're right on topic there. Seventy percent off, too.
Lorelai: What else?
Rory: Uh, New Year's Eve balloons with Father Time and the New Year's baby on them. We'll blow them up and cheat the old man side to the wall so we can't see it, and then change the word "year" so it says "happy new baby".
Lorelai: Oh, that's just sad.

Jackson: Look out. Coming through.
Sookie: It's happening. It's happening.
Lorelai: Oh my God, it's happening?
Rory: You mean it's happening, happening?
Sookie: It's coming round the mountain.

Luke: I had a deal with Taylor before you even knew that house was available.
Kirk: You get it in writing?
Luke: No! But-
Kirk: Mm. An oral agreement's only as good as the paper it's written on. Hey, that would be a good line for Dennis the Menace after he fails to mow Mr. Wilson's lawn. I should send that in.

Lorelai: Just, quick question. Um, pregnancy tests. What's the deal with them now? I haven't taken one in a couple of decades, and I was just wondering if they work any differently.
Doctor: No, they're more accurate now, but the process is similar.
Lorelai: Okay, so let's say you do it. Have sex, you know. How soon after can a test tell you anything?
Doctor: At least two weeks.
Lorelai: Not two days?
Doctor: It won't be definitive after just two days.
Lorelai: Boy. Sword of Damocles is really hovering over you for a couple weeks, there, huh?
Doctor: Pretty much.
Lorelai: Home tests can be pretty tricky, too. Can't buy one where I live, because people would see, and talk... It's a small town. And even afterwards, the garbage man could see the box in the trash, and blab, and you know, I like my garbage man, but again, it's a small town. It's not your problem.

Rory: [on the phone] Hey, how's it going?
Lorelai: Oh, fine. She's all checked in, breathing normally, contracting painfully. The cursing should start any time now, everything's as it should be.

Rory: [on the phone] I mean, that was weird, wasn't it? She was like, what, a week and a half early?
Lorelai: Yeah, those little buggers tend to come when they want to come.
Rory: I still can't get "coming round the mountain" out of my mind. It's like one of those phrases, like "drop it like it's hot" that I really wish I'd never heard.