Lorelai: Rory dropped out of Yale.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: She dropped out of Yale and she moved in with my parents, who I went to for help, and they stabbed me in the back. Everything we worked for. All these years. Her whole future. She was supposed to have more than me. She was supposed to have everything. That was the plan. We had a plan.
Luke: Okay, I'm sorry. I have to jump in here. Uh, I know you think you have this thing handled, but I can help. [sighs] First off, we call Yale and we tell them something like, uh, Rory had a chemical imbalance and she was mentally out of her mind when she told them she was dropping out. And then we get her out of your parents house, whatever way we can. We lock her up in her room with you because you can talk her into this. You can talk anybody into anything. And if worse comes to worst, we will drive her to school every day and we will follow her to class and camp out there to make sure she goes. I'll take morning classes, you take afternoon classes, or the other way around, if it works out better for your schedule. And I know there's a few kinks to work out, and the kidnapping thing might be a little problematic but either way, she is not quitting school. This was her dream. I am not going to let this happen. [off Lorelai's look] What?
Lorelai: Luke, will you marry me?
Luke: What?

Lorelai: I'm sorry. Are you, like, solving something?
Police Officer: What can I do for you?
Lorelai: I was just wondering. Is Rory in the system now? Because I just remember when Sipowicz's son accidentally got arrested because he looked like a drug dealer. Sipowicz was freaked out that the son was going to wind up in the system. And I just wonder, you know, should I be freaked out? And also, what exactly is the system?

Lorelai: Hi. Hello. Yes, I'm here to pick up my daughter.
Police Officer: Your daughter's name?
Lorelai: Rory Gilmore. Lorelai Gilmore. She goes by Rory. I don't know what you have her under.
Police Officer: Rory Gilmore.
Lorelai: Oh, that's good, because she only answers to that. Not that she won't to the other, but...

Lorelai: So she was in a cell?
Police Officer: That's where we usually put people when they're arrested.
Lorelai: Was she in the cell alone?
Police Officer: It was a slow night. She had the place to herself.
Lorelai: Oh, that's good. I mean, not that she's a snob. She can get along with anyone, it's just, it was her first time in a cell, so I didn't want her to be attacked, you know, like in Caged Heat? Or was it Switchblade Sisters? Anyway...

Lorelai: Rory stole a yacht. How's your night been?
Luke: What? What do you mean, Rory stole a yacht?
Lorelai: I, uh, just got back from picking Rory up from the Bridgeport police department where she was brought following her arrest for grand theft boating.

Lorelai: I need hand soap.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Oh, she got ink all over her hands from the fingerprinting and I'm out of soap.
Luke: I have soap.
Lorelai: Maybe she needs special soap. Is there special soap? Is it special ink? It must be special ink, right?
Luke: I don't-
Lorelai: I mean, of course. They're not going to use normal ink for fingerprinting, it's supposed to brand you and humiliate you. Normal ink wouldn't humiliate you, unless you're Rory and your mother has no soap.

Lorelai: God, every ten seconds something else pops into my head. I'm just not prepared for this. I mean, Rory never even shoplifted. Not a candy bar, not a lipstick. She forgot to return a library book on e. And she was so guilty about it that she grounded herself. I mean, can you imagine? She's just sitting there in her bedroom yelling at me, Now no one else got to read the Iliad this week because of me.

Lorelai: This is not the end of the world, right? I mean, Rory's young. Young people do stupid things. I got pregnant. This is better, it's not so permanent. Unless it's on her permanent record, and then... Oh, God, does that mean she can't vote?
Luke: Oh, I don't think-
Lorelai: I thought I read that if you commit a felony you can't vote.
Luke: I think that's-
Lorelai: Rory loves to vote. She switched her "I voted" sticker from outfit to outfit this year, and then she scotch taped it to her purse. She has to be able to vote.

Rory: What are you doing?
Lorelai: Well, I'm updating the refrigerator.
Rory: Where did you get that?
Lorelai: Oh, the nice lady at the police station e-mailed it to me. I thought it would look really nice next to your kindergarten handprint collage. I got you a copy if you're thinking Christmas cards.
Rory: Very thoughtful.

Lorelai: A present? I love presents! I wonder who it could be from? "Lorelai, a little something to make the trip over to the Durham Group a bit more fun. Mike Armstrong." Thank you, Mike Armstrong.
Michel: That is the man who wants to buy the inn, no?
Lorelai: Oh, my God, look at all this stuff. Travel soap, travel candles, a travel blanket, cashmere travel pillow, cashmere socks... Oh, my God. I've been meaning to try this. This is La Mer youth serum. Apparently you put this on before you get on a plane, and by the time you get off you're Dakota Fanning.