Caesar: Hey, Luke, it's for you. It's Taylor.
Lorelai: Caesar! You just broke Luke's standing "When Taylor calls I'm out even if he can see me through the stupid connecting window" rule.
Caesar: I can tell him you're out, and that Duke, your evil identical twin is in town.
Luke: No, no. I'll take it.

Kirk: Luke, I think the sales tax is off by a penny. In fact, I'm sure of it. I'm ready to go to the mat on this one.
Luke: Those guys with the tire irons, where did your mother get them?
Lorelai: The D.A.R. And they don't work for outsiders.
Luke: Show me the penny, Kirk.

Luke: This is not going to go down this way. You are not getting that house.
Kirk: Au contraire, my friend. I happen to know that your credit's not exactly stellar.
Luke: My credit?
Kirk: Granted, you've got some real estate holdings, but your cash flow's been flat for three years, and unless you're willing to sell off assets, you may be able to swing no more than a five percent down payment, which makes you a real estate risk.
Luke: How do you know the state of my assets?
Kirk: That's the power of deep pockets, Luke. Put a solid buck in the right hands and they babble like parrots.

Luke: Well, I am one of Stars Hollow Bank's oldest customers. I'm not anticipating any problems.
Kirk: Well, I'm Stars Hollow Bank's biggest customer. I think that means more.
Luke: I don't believe this! You're swimming in cash and you fought me over a ten cent raise on toast.
Kirk: And you folded like a road map. That might explain the discrepancy in our net worths. So, I think I will have those donuts to go. You've got change for a hundred, right?

Rory: [on the phone] Mom. What's going on with you?
Lorelai: Nothing.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: I might be pregnant.
Rory: Oh. So, that's where this is coming from.
Lorelai: I blame Mom. She never sat me down for the talk. And Miss Driscoll, she had her chance too. All those PTA meetings, and all she ever talked about was golf.

Kirk: I'll bring children into the house, too! Maybe not my own.