Lorelai: [on the phone] Listen, all I'm saying is, you cannot leave it up to the guy, okay? They are not reliable.
Rory: I don't leave it up to the guy.
Lorelai: They get into this state, you know? Primordial. It's all very exciting, but so is eating a gallon of pudding, and believe me, you are going to regret that later. I use that as an example because I know you like pudding.
Rory: Okay.
Lorelai: You have got to figure, if he shoots, he scores. I mean, look around you. There are babies popping out all over the place.
Rory: You are in a maternity ward. You've got a skewed sample there.
Lorelai: So you're caught up on the subject?
Rory: You've caught me up. Society has caught me up. The health channel on cable has caught me up. Miss Driscoll, the sad spinster gym teacher at Stars Hollow High has caught me up.
Lorelai: Miss Driscoll. Right, like she would ever need birth control.
Rory: I'm caught up. Honest.

Lorelai: [on the phone] It's a girl.
Rory: A girl? Oh good, we need a girl.
Lorelai: Why do we need a girl?
Rory: I don't know. Aren't there enough guys walking around out there?
Lorelai: Well, it's a beautiful girl, name to come, and Sookie's fine, Jackson's fine, everyone's fine.
Rory: Good.
Lorelai: Fourteen hours of labor was the downside, but Sookie has the rest of her little girl's life to get back at her for that.
Rory: I love the circle of life.

Sookie: I probably should have brought it up sooner, sorry.
Jackson: No problem. What?
Sookie: You're getting a vasectomy.
Jackson: What?
Sookie: You're getting a vasectomy.
Jackson: [chuckles] You got me. You got me. You're funny. Dark, but funny.
Sookie: [laughs] I'm not joking, sweetie. We're cutting that tube. If it is a tube, I'm not really up on the procedure. The doctor doing it will be, though, so I'm sure he'll know.
Jackson: You're not kidding.
Sookie: I'm not kidding.

Sookie: just thought of the perfect name. First name Martha, middle name Janice-Lori-Ethan-Rupert-Glenda-Carson-Daisy-Danny.
Jackson: You got them all in.
Sookie: Now go get cut.

Lorelai: What happened to Paola?
Emily: Oh, that annoying little stick? She drove me crazy.
Lorelai: I thought you loved her.
Emily: There was something wrong with her. So flighty, so skinny. She made no noise when she walked, so you couldn't hear her coming. I felt like I was being stalked by an elf.
Lorelai: [to a maid] Thank you.
Emily: She had the mentality of a preschooler. If she was sitting when she laughed, she would clap her feet together. Smoked like a fiend, too.
Lorelai: Uh-huh.
Emily: And she kept playing with that obnoxious magic eight ball of yours. She'd ask it the same question over and over until she got the answer she wanted. I told her, that's not how it works, you're supposed to accept the first answer it gives you and that's that. But no, she kept going. I wanted to stick the little twig in the garbage disposal. So I exchanged her for Mikhail.

Luke: I can get a loan-
Kirk: But I have deep pockets! Not now, I mean, right now I'm naked, but my pants have pockets.

Lorelai: Again, Mom, I am really, really sorry, and unless you forgive me, I... I am going to camp out in here possibly forever. Mom, I'm just- Don't tell your friends about the article, so they won't read it. And the ones who do, just tell them I was misquoted. And I would recommend that you stop reading the article right now, and just look at the pictures. The pictures are really pretty. [silence] If you are applying explosives to the door, please tell me, so I can step away.
Emily: [o.s.] I'll stop reading.
Lorelai: And we won't talk about it again, ever?
Emily: Fine. Come out. [Lorelai opens the door] Let's go back to the living room.

Lorelai: See, I was mad at Mom - Mrs. Gilmore, here - at the time, and I ended up saying things I shouldn't have said, because, you see, normally, I don't make jokes about Joseph Stalin. They're inappropriate. I just said it, and just to this writer, and she printed it. I mean, she's not Joseph Stalin. And, not that there's any excuse, but there is no way I could have known that a Russian man whose entire family and their village was killed by Stalin would be reading this in front of me, I mean, there's just no way.
Emily: She has this off-putting sense of humor, Mikhail. You'd know that if you spent time with her.
Lorelai: Yes, you would. You would know that.

Lorelai: So you really think that transferring your stuff bit by bit like this is the way to go, huh? Easier than renting something, doing it all at once?
Rory: Oh, you really want to re-live the U-haul incident of May 2004?
Lorelai: Ah, you make one iffy u-turn.
Rory: We were in a tunnel.
Lorelai: A wide tunnel.
Rory: Going the wrong way down a one-way street.
Lorelai: They don't let you forget.
Rory: Yeah, I've got that elephant's memory when it comes to nearly dying.

Luke: You know, I shouldn't have gotten into a business that involves dealing with people.