Monica: Okay, I want you to take a piece of paper- Here you go. And write down your most embarrassing memory. And I do ask when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.

Monica: Gunther, where you going?
Gunther: I was sort of thinking about maybe-
Monica: No. No, you can't go. No, this is fun. We're just getting started. Here's your marker.
Phoebe: Listen, if you want to go, just go.
Gunther: No, she'll yell at me again.
Phoebe: All right, I can get you out.
Gunther: What?
Phoebe: In a minute, I'm going to create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.

Dr. Green: I think I need a drink.
Ross: I'll get it for you. What do you want?
Dr. Green: Scotch.
Ross: I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass.
Dr. Green: Neat!
Ross: Cool.
Dr. Green: Neat, as in no rocks.
Ross: I know.

Mrs. Green: Oh, hello, Ross. Where have you been?
Ross: Hi. I have been in the bathroom. Ahem. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.
Mrs. Green: Scotch neat. You know, that's Rachel's father's drink.
Ross: Oh. Mine too. Isn't that neat? Scotch neat. [laughs]

Mrs. Green: You didn't tell me your boyfriend smokes.
Rachel: Yeah, like a chimney.
Ross: Big smoker. [drops a cigarette, picks it up] Big, big smoker. In fact, I'm gonna go into the hallway and fire up this bad boy.
Dr. Green: Are you wearing my glasses?
Ross: Yes. I was just warming up the earpieces for you.
Dr. Green: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?
Ross: Yes, it is. I was just moistening the tip.

Phoebe: She's taking the trash out, so I can get you out of here. But it has to be now. She'll be back any minute.
Guest: What about my friend, Victor?
Phoebe: No, only the three of you. Any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
Guest: Just let me get my coat.
Phoebe: There isn't time! Just leave everything. They'll take care of you next door.
Guest: Is it true they have beer?
Phoebe: Everything you've heard is true.

Monica: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Chandler: Okay, think. Think. What would Jack and Chrissy do?

Monica: Listen, I don't mean to be a pain about this but I've noticed some of you are just placing them on. You want to push the caps until you hear them click.

[Joey is staring as Monica's breasts]
Monica: Joey, they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things. They're fake. See? Honk, honk.
Chandler: Wow, it's like porno for clowns.

Phoebe: Okay, here are the birthday candles. Where's the birthday cake?
Monica: Okay. We're not having birthday cake. We're having birthday flan.
Chandler: Excuse me?
Monica: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert.
Joey: Oh, that's nice. Happy birthday, Rachel. Here's some goo.