‘The One with the Stoned Guy’
Season 1, Episode 15 - Aired February 16, 1995
Monica has a horrific job interview when the restaurant owner, a massage client of Phoebe's, shows up at the apartment stoned. Meanwhile, fearing that his "temporary" job has become permanent, Chandler quits, while Ross needs Joey's help to "talk dirty".
Quote from Monica
Monica: That's it! That's it. Dinner is over!
Steve: What! Why? Why?
Monica: Because I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this and you can't wait 4 1 /2 minutes for a stupid, onion tartlet?
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Yes, Fran, I know what time it is but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy! Oh, really? Really? Let me tell you something. You will care about it because I care about it. Got it? Good!
Whoa.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Yeah, I just don't have a lot of chef-ing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Hey, guys, anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross: Okay. Ahem. Does anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
Quote from Chandler
Rachel: Oh my God, what happened to you?
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests, and what do I learn? "You're ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Phoebe: That's so great! Because you already know how to do that.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Here you go. Maybe this will cheer you up.
Chandler: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I better split this with you.
Monica: It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amuse-bouche.
Chandler: Well, it is amusing.
Quote from Phoebe
Monica: I'm cooking for him Monday, kind of an audition. Phoebe, he wants you here, which will be great as you can make yummy noises.
Rachel: What are you gonna make?
Phoebe: Yummy noises.
Rachel: And Monica what are you going to make?
Quote from Ross
Joey: "Vulva?"
Ross: All right, I panicked, all right? She took me by surprise, you know. But it wasn't a total loss.
We ended up cuddling.
Joey: Oh, you cuddled? How many times?
Ross: Shut up. It was nice. I just don't think I'm a dirty-talking kind of guy.
Quote from Monica
Steve: It's a lovely apartment.
Monica: Thank you. Would you like a tour?
Steve: I was just being polite, but all right.
Quote from Rachel
Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Rachel: No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there.