Joey: You know, you forget how many great songs Heart had.
Ross: You know, "Barracuda" was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Chandler: So you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it.

Monica: Did you hear something?
Chandler: Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing into my brain to steal my thoughts.

Monica: Hey. Don't you guys look cute. You guys make a cute couple.
Rachel: Monica, what are you doing?
Monica: Just trying to re-create some of the fun that we had at my place. Remember? When you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Phoebe: I guess it was kind of funny.
Monica: It wasn't funny at all!

Phoebe: You're just not as easygoing as Rachel. She's just more flexible and mellow. That's all.
Rachel: Well, people are different.
Phoebe: Yeah, you know, Rachel she'll do whatever you want. You can just walk all over her.
Rachel: What? Wait a minute. What, are you saying that I'm a pushover? I'm not a pushover.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. You're not a pushover.

Joey: Hey, Ross, listen. You want anything to drink? Because I'm heading up there.
Ross: Yeah, I'll take a coffee. Thanks, man.
Joey: Sure. Coffee? Because I'm going up there.
Rachel: No.
Monica: No, thank you.
Joey: You guys need anything? Because I'm heading up there.
Woman: I'd love an ice water.
Joey: You got it.

Ross: Why would it be weird? Hey, Joey? Can I get some coffee?
Joey: Okay. I guess it doesn't seem that weird.
Ross: Seriously. I asked you before. You still haven't gotten it.
Joey: See, now it's weird again.

Rachel: This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass my wisdom to. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned working at the coffee house. First of all, the customer is always right. A smile goes a long way. And if anyone is ever rude to you, sneeze muffin.

Monica: Chandler, you go first.
Chandler: Okay. I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Monica: Wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Chandler: Can I finish my story?
Monica: Do you want me to pick you?
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.

Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look, I study evolution. Remember? Evolution. Monkey into man.
Plus, I'm a doctor. And I had a monkey. I'm Dr. Monkey!
Chandler: I'm not arguing with that.

Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny. And it's offensive to women. And doctors.
And monkeys. All right, you shouldn't be arguing over who gets credit. You should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world. Now, let it go. The joke sucks.