Rachel: Ooh, wow. What's this?
Guest: It's a Diaper Genie.
Rachel: Oh, it dispenses clean diapers?
Guest: No, it's where you put dirty ones.
Rachel: Well, that's gross. Why don't you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Mrs. Green: You're gonna do that 10 times a day?
Rachel: It goes 10 times a day? What are we feeding this baby, Indian food?

Joey: In what John Huston film would you hear this line: "Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!"
Chandler: Treasure of the Sierra Madre!
Joey: Correct. There's a possible Backwards Bonus.
Chandler: "Madre Sierra the of Treasure"!
Joey: Yes!
Chandler: I'd like to go up the Ladder of Chance to the Golden Mud Hut, please.
Joey: Wise choice. How many rungs?
Chandler: Six.
Joey: [mimics monkeys] That noise can only mean one thing.
Ross and Chandler: Hungry Monkey.
Ross: I'd like a Wicked Wango Card.
Joey: Okay. It's an audio question. Name this television theme song: [hums the "I Dream of Jeannie theme tune]
Ross: Oh, my God. I know this. Give me a second.
Chandler: Tell it to the Time Turtle.
Ross: Shut up. I Dream of Jeannie.
Joey: Yes. Yes. You're back in the lead.
Ross: I'd like to spin the Wheel.
Chandler: Oh, come on.
Joey: Super Speedy Speed Round.
Ross: Is there a Hopping Bonus?
Joey: Of course. Who invented bifocals?
Ross: Ben Franklin.
Joey: Correct. Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?
Ross: Queen Victoria.
Joey: Correct again, but you forgot to switch legs between questions so no Hopping Bonus.
Ross: Oh! Every time!
Joey: Yeah. Now over to Chandler.
Chandler: I'd like a Google Card.
Joey: Are you sure?
Chandler: Yes. No. Google!
Joey: Oh, my God. Congratulations, Ross. Because, Chandler you've been Bamboozled!
Chandler: No!
Ross: Yes!
Chandler: This is the best game ever!

Ray: Joey, didn't your agents give you the revised rules? We've eliminated all that. No wheel. No cards.
Joey: Why?
Ray: Well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didn't follow it.
Joey: What's complicated?! You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance, you go past the Mud Hut, through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey. You yank his tail and, boom, you're in Paradise Pond.
Ray: Yeah. All that's gone. It's basically just a simple question- and-answer game now.
Joey: Well, what's fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game that's just people standing around answering questions?
Ray: Well, there'll be women in bikinis holding up the scores.
Joey: Let's play Bamboozled!

Monica: Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green? It is rude to leave a party without saying goodbye to the host. Yeah, and also, when someone apologizes to you, the decent thing to do is to accept it.
Because what I did to you wasn't on purpose. But what you're doing to me now is just plain spiteful.
Mrs. Green: Spiteful?
Monica: That's right. Maybe it's time you took a good, hard look in the mirror, young lady. Old lady. Lady.
Phoebe: Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up.
Monica: So whenever you're ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day. I can't feel my legs!

Monica: Mrs. Green? Okay, I'm really sorry. I apologize. If you- Whoa. Okay. [lisping] I bit my tongue. But I'm still really sorry.

Rachel: Okay, I'm ready.
Ross: You sure?
Rachel: Yes. I've done my studying, and I really know my stuff.
Ross: All right, then. Rachel Green, let's play Bamboozled. How do you test the temperature of the baby's bathwater?
Rachel: Put your elbow in it.
Ross: Excellent. How do you put a baby down for a nap?
Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
Ross: That is correct. This is an audio question. What do you do when a baby makes this sound: [mimics baby crying]
Rachel: Check if it's wet. Check if it's hungry. Burp it.
Ross: Excellent. Excellent. Now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango Card?
Rachel: A card. A card. I pick a card.
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry. You've been Bamboozled. You're gonna be a terrible mother. I've lost sight of why we're doing this.

Monica: [to Phoebe] Oh, my God! My ass is sweating. [to Mrs. Green] Please, please, can you come? It's today at 4:00.
Mrs. Green: Well, all right. I'll see you at 4:00.
Monica: Thank you. [hangs up]
Phoebe: Isn't it at 3:00?
Monica: Son of a bitch!

Joey: It would be so great if I got this because you never know what could happen to you on a soap. But I could be a game show host forever, like, that Bob Barker guy. He's been doing The Price Is Right for 75 years!
Chandler: I bet the ratings weren’t that good for the first 25 years. You know, before there was television.
Joey: Yeah.

Ross: Well, uh, you know what? Even if she doesn't know anything, I do! And I'll be there to show her, so...
Mrs. Green: That’s exactly what Rachel’s father told me. But you know what he said at the first 3 A.M. feeding? "I’m tired, you take care of it." Which I later said to him when he wanted to have sex.
Ross: Well, I'm not Rachel’s dad. And no offense, but he's an ass.
Mrs. Green: I do like you, Ross.

Rachel: Please make sure she comes. It's really important to me. I mean, it's my mom.
Phoebe: I know. I know. What's her number?
Rachel: I don't know.