Joey: How about you, Chandler?
Chandler: Well, Joey, I'm a headhunter. I hook up out-of-work Soviet scientists with rogue Third World nations. Hi, Rasputin.
Joey: Excellent. Let's play, Bamboozled. Chandler, you'll go first. What is the capital of Colombia?
Chandler: Bogota.
Joey: It's Bogota, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango Card.
Chandler: What does a Wicked Wango Card do?
Joey: I should know that. Let's see. Just one moment, please. Here we are. A Wicked Wango Card determines whether you go higher or lower.
Chandler: Higher or lower than what?
Joey: This is embarrassing.
Chandler: Can you believe how lame this is?
Ross: I'm sorry. I don't believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.

Mrs. Green: Look at that face. Just like when you were in high school. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble.

Mrs. Green: Now, have you picked your nanny yet? Now, I don't want you to just use your housekeeper, because it will just split her focus.
Rachel: Well, actually, I'm not gonna use a nanny. And I don't even have a housekeeper.
Mrs. Green: It's like you're a cave person.

Rachel: Well, however great she was, I just can't afford that.
Mrs. Green: Oh, Rachel!
Rachel: What?
Mrs. Green: I just had the greatest idea. I'm gonna come live with you.
Rachel: What? What? What?
Mrs. Green: Oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna do this for my little girl. Aw, look at you. You have tears in your eyes.
Rachel: Yes, yes, I do.

Joey: All right. Chandler, You can either spin the Wheel or pick a Google Card.
Chandler: Okay. Let me think, let me think. Oh, I don't care.
Joey: You must choose, Mr. Bing.
Chandler: Either. It makes no difference.
Joey: Choose, you jackass.

Chandler: I'll take a card.
Joey: Okay. You picked the Gimme Card. You get all of Ross's points.
Ross: What?
Chandler: This game is kind of fun.
Ross: You don't think it's a little crazy that you get all my points-?
Chandler: I don't think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.

Rachel: Why did you invite my mother?
Monica: What?
Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
Phoebe: For how long?
Rachel: Eight weeks. I mean, I love my mother, but, my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.

Monica: I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.
Phoebe: She can't hear you.

Monica: That is right. You go over there and tell her you do not want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer. This is great. Now she's gonna be mad at Rachel. And I'm just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler.

Mrs. Green: Sweetheart, I know you're gonna be a terrific mom. I just think that you need a little help, especially at the beginning.
Rachel: But Mom, I really know what I'm doing. I can handle this.
Mrs. Green: Really? Remember Twinkles?
Rachel: He was a hamster. I'm not gonna vacuum up my baby.