‘The One with Joey's Bag’
Season 5, Episode 13 - Aired February 4, 1999
After Phoebe's grandmother dies, she is shocked to run into her birth father at the memorial service. Meanwhile, Rachel helps Joey discover a new fashion trend with a "man bag", and Monica is upset that Chandler doesn't like her massages.
Quote from Monica
Monica: See? It's no big deal.
Chandler: But now you're crying.
Monica: I'm not crying about that. I'm crying about something at work.
Chandler: What?
Monica: My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages.
Chandler: It's okay. You don't have to be best at everything.
Monica: Oh, my God. You don't know me at all!
Quote from Monica
Monica: Guys, guys. I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside.
Ross: Uh, Pheebs' grandmother just died.
Monica: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
Phoebe: Actually, you know what, it's kind of cool. Because it's like you know, one life ends and another begins.
Monica: Not the way they're doing it.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Well, I sort of have some bad news. Can I come in?
Ursula: No, thanks.
Phoebe: Okay. Grandma died today.
Ursula: Didn't she die like five years ago?
Phoebe: No, she just died today. Okay, we're having a memorial service tomorrow.
Ursula: Okay, I know I went to that already.
Phoebe: No, you didn't.
Ursula: Well then who's been dead for five years?
Phoebe: Lots of people. Look, are you coming to the memorial service or not?
Ursula: Um, no. See, I already thought she was dead, so I've kind of made my peace. And plus I'm going to a concert tomorrow. I'd invite you, but I only have two tickets left.
Phoebe: Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert.
Ursula: Thanks. Enjoy your funeral!
Quote from Chandler
Rachel: Wait, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a bag. There are other bags that are maybe a little less ... controversial.
Chandler: Yeah, they're called wallets.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Hello, Mrs. Pinilla. Thank you for coming. Here's your 3-D glasses. And Reverend Pong will tell you when to put them on.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Let me show you the catalog. Look. See? Huh? It's the latest thing. Everyone's got one. Men, women, children. Everyone's carrying them.
Director: Do you sell these bags?
Joey: No, no, no. No, these babies sell themselves.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Chandler, look, if it hurts that bad, you should just tell her.
Chandler: For the first time in my life, I'm in a real relationship. I'm not going to screw that up by ... telling the truth.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Dude, look out. You almost crushed my hat.
Ross: Sorry.
Chandler: And the bunny got away.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Really? A purse?
Rachel: It's not a purse. It's a shoulder bag.
Joey: It looks like a woman's purse.
Rachel: No, Joey, look. Trust me, all the men are carrying them in the spring catalog. See, look.
Men carrying the bag.
Joey: See, look. Women carrying the bag.
Quote from Ross
Joey: Are you referring to my man's bag? I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. It's got compartments for your wallet, keys, address book-
Ross: Your makeup.