Phoebe: This is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies. I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Earl: I don't need any toner.
Phoebe: I hear what you're saying, but at our prices, everyone needs toner.
Earl: Not me.
Phoebe: May I ask why?
Earl: You want to know why? You want to know why?
Phoebe: I surely do.
Earl: Okay. I don't need any toner because I'm gonna kill myself.
Phoebe: [looking through the handbook] Um... Is that because you're out of toner?

Joey: She's healed!
Rachel: That's weird.
Joey: No, it's not weird. It's a miracle.
Rachel: It's not a miracle, Joey. I'm sure there's some explanation.
Joey: Oh, there is. If you want something enough and your heart is pure, wondrous things can happen.

Ross: See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Jack Geller: Oh, my God. Does she really think that?
Ross: Well, can you blame her?
Jack Geller: I don't know. I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously. You were a medical marvel. The doctors said your mom couldn't-
Ross: Dad, Dad, I don't want to hear about it.
Jack Geller: Really?
Ross: Well, not right now.

Rachel: You know, this thing has speakers in the headrest?
Joey: No, really?
Rachel: Yeah. You can hook it up to the TV and you get radio.
Joey: My chair heals itself.

Monica: Why wasn't Ross's stuff ruined?
Jack Geller: Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.
Monica: Wait. So Ross's stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water?
Jack Geller: There was also leaves and gook and stuff.

Phoebe: Excuse me. Could you tell me where can I find Earl? He's the supply manager here.
Woman: Sorry, I don't know any Earl.
Earl: I'm right here!
Phoebe: Earl? I'm Phoebe.
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: Um, look, you can't kill yourself.
Earl: Look, I really appreciate you coming down-
Phoebe: No, no. I can't let you do it.
Earl: Why?
Phoebe: Because, it was fate that made me call you today.
Earl: I thought it was toner.
Phoebe: No. Think about it, okay? This isn't even my regular job. Okay and my first day on the job, you're my first call. And somebody else might have hung up on you, but I wouldn't do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Earl: Really? How?
Phoebe: I'm not gonna give you tips.

Phoebe: Look, don't you see that this all came together so I could stop you from doing this?
Earl: Couldn't it just be a coincidence?
Phoebe: No, it's fate.
Earl: It doesn't really seem like enough to be fate.
Phoebe: Oh, well. Okay, here's a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager.
Earl: I'm actually the office manager.
Phoebe: Oh, my God! So was she! And get this, okay. Your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl. Puh-Earl.
Earl: Was there anything else?
Phoebe: Sure. Um, where're you from?
Earl: Philadelphia.
Phoebe: Oh, my God, so was she! I've got goose bumps.
Earl: Really?
Phoebe: Well, you know, I'm wearing layers, and it's warm. Okay, these jerks might not care about you but the universe does, and that says a lot.
Earl: Did you hear that? I don't need you guys to care about me because the universe cares! The whole universe! I really wish they'd care a little bit.

Ross: Hey, you know what's weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people you're gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "my friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." That's weird isn't it?
Chandler: Couldn't I just say, "This is Ross?"
Ross: [disappointed] Sure, do whatever you want.

Jack Geller: Look, there's your old makeup kit!
Ross: It's a clown kit! Clown kit!
Jack Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched.

Joey: Can you tell me how this happened?
Rachel: Well no.
Joey: Miracle!
Rachel: No, you know what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something.
Joey: Someone like... an angel?
Rachel: That's right, Joey, the chair angel came in and heeled your chair. [sits down in chair]
Joey: Get your non-believer ass outta my chair!