Jack Geller: You don't secretly smoke, do you?
Ross: No.
Jack Geller: So it's just your mother.

Chandler: What made you do it?
Rachel: Well, it's a long story, but, I broke Joey's chair-
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You broke Joey's chair?
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: I thought I broke Joey's chair, that's why I replaced it with mine.
Rachel: Oh. That's how it got fixed.
Chandler: What did you think? That elves came in and fixed it?
Rachel: No. Angels.

Rachel: Come on, help me move this.
Joey: No, no, no.
Rachel: No?
Joey: No. Rosita does not move.
Rachel: I'm sorry. Rosita? As in?
Joey: As in "Rosita does not move."

Ross: They kept your room a while.
Monica: Please! Dad turned my room into a gym twenty minutes after I moved out. I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs? Not a gym.

Ross: Come on. You know they love you.
Monica: As much as they love you?
Ross: I was their first born. They thought she was barren. It's not my fault.

Phoebe: Ugh, I hate this year.
Ross: What's wrong with this year?
Phoebe: It's already February and I've only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world.
Monica: That was me and Ross.
Phoebe: Oh, that's right.

Ross: Hey, if you want to make some extra cash, some friends of mine made good money in college doing telemarketing.
Phoebe: Yeah, it'd probably be better than the last telephone job I had. I probably won't have to say "spank" as much.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, like you never called.

Supervisor: Why don't we do a trial run?
Phoebe: Oh, okay. All right. Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies. Can I speak to your supply manager, please?
Supervisor: I'm the supply manager.
Phoebe: Okay, I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Supervisor: We don't need any toner.
Phoebe: Okay, I'm sorry to bother you. Bye-bye.Yeah, you're right. This is easy.
Supervisor: Okay. What was wrong with that call?
Phoebe: Oh, well, all right. No offense, but you were kind of rude.
Supervisor: They're always going to tell you that they don't need toner, but that's okay. Because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it, here in the script. So I think you're ready to sell toner. Do you have any last questions?
Phoebe: No. Oh, wait, yes, I do. I do have one question: What is toner?

Chandler: Joey? Joe? Full bag? Beer's still cold. Something terrible must have happened here.

Ross: Cool, Dad, my report cards! Hey, check this out, Dad. Math, "A." Science, "A." History, "A." Gym... Ooh, my rock polisher!