‘The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance’
Season 6, Episode 4 - Aired October 14, 1999
After Joey injures himself just as his health insurance lapses, he is forced to take an acting job while in agony. Meanwhile, Ross begins teaching a class at NYU and adopts an English accent to impress his students, and Rachel discovers Ross's secret.
Quote from Joey
Joey: This sucks. When I had insurance, I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, you know? And it wouldn't matter. Now I gotta be careful?
Chandler: I'm sorry, man. There's never a good time to have to ... stop catching on fire.
Quote from Ross
Monica: Hey, how'd the lecture go?
Ross: It went great. And I didn't need any jokes or naked chicks either.
Rachel: That's great. I'm sorry we weren't supportive before.
Ross: I knew all I had to was let the material speak for itself. Everyone's all, "Ross, you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong. And now I'm going to pass the news on to Joey and Chandler.
Monica: That you're not funny or sexy?
Ross: That's right.
Quote from Joey
Joey: So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow. And I'll have my health insurance back in no time.
Chandler: That's great, but shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?
Joey: What?
Chandler: What's wrong with you?
Joey: Nothing. Well, I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before.
And then I passed out and, uh, I haven't been able to stand up since. But I don't think it's anything serious.
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have to- You go to the doctor.
Joey: No way. Okay, look, if I'm going to go to the doctor for anything, it'll be for this thing sticking out of my stomach.
Chandler: That's a hernia.
Joey: Why'd I have to start working out again? Damn you, 15s!
Quote from Rachel
Monica: What the hell are you doing?
Ross: Look, I was nervous. You guys had me all worried I was gonna be boring. I got up there and they were all, like, staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.
Rachel: Yeah, and not a very good one.
Quote from Joey
Chandler: Look, I'll loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and let's just get that thing pushed back in.
Joey: Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I don't want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in, I can get all the free operations I want. I think I'll probably start with that laser eye surgery.
Quote from Phoebe
Joey: I'm telling you, if I put my hand on my stomach right here, it doesn't hurt that bad.
Phoebe: Hey, maybe you'll die.
Joey: Chandler, I'm scared.
Phoebe: No, we can go together. Just don't wait too long, though, because I'm out of here sometime before Friday.
Joey: But I don't want to die.
Phoebe: No, no. It'll be fun. We can come back and haunt these guys.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Hey, Timmy. I've got a surprise for you.
Casting Director: Hold it. I'm sorry. The surprise is a new swing set. If you could play it a little less intense.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Sure, no problem. Just hold on one second. [Joey puts his hand down his pants] Hey, Timmy. I've got a surprise for you.
Casting Director: Oh, my God!
Quote from Joey
Joey: So that's why I feed my dog Purina One. Pick up a bag today.
Casting Director: That's where you pick up the bag.
Joey: Exactly.
Casting Director: No, the line is, "Pick up a bag," so you need to pick up the bag.
Joey: Or I could just point to it. "Blah, blah, blah. Purina One. Point to a bag today." I didn't get it, did l?
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Listen to this. My reading was wrong. I'm not going to die.
Rachel: Really? How do you know?
Phoebe: Because my psychic is dead. She must have read the cards wrong.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Eh, better her than me. Hey, let's bake cookies!
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Hey, hey, Joe. Why don't you lift up your shirt? Take a look at this, kiddo. [Alex sees Joey's hernia, starts crying] We have a crying child. Roll the damn cameras!