Best ‘Frasier’ Quotes Page 25 of 25
Quote from Niles in The Gift Horse
Niles: It seems so unhealthy. Isn't she going to serve anything at Dad's party but meat?
Daphne: Sherry says that's what he and his old cronies like best. With drinks, she's serving cocktail franks. For appetizers, we're having a sausage medley. And for the main course, there's a choice of meat loaf or meat balls.
Niles: I assume these colorful balloons are for the between-course angioplasty.
Quote from Frasier in Four for the Seesaw
Martin: So, you've been out on a double date, huh?
Beth: Well, sort of. We met this afternoon and the next thing we knew, your sons were taking us out to dinner and then to the Seattle Rep.
Martin: Oh, what did you see?
Laura: "The Man Who Came To Dinner." It's about a bad-tempered invalid that moves into these people's house and just drives them crazy.
Martin: Comedy?
Frasier: I used to think so.
Quote from Martin in The Show Where Diane Comes Back
Diane: So, there I was, on the balcony of my Malibu beachhouse, when a pod of whales passed by. I knew I had to commune with these gentle giants, so like a flash, I was on the beach, scrambling to my kayak. But cruel fortune interceded, when, not twenty yards offshore, I suddenly discovered myself entangled in an enormous bed of-of, um—
Niles: Sea kelp?
Diane: Exactly right, sea kelp!
Martin: Oh, that's funny. I thought he said "seek help."
Quote from Frasier in Come Lie with Me
Frasier: She's staying. Turns out they're sleeping together but not having sex. See, they can't have sex because of an injury Joe suffered when kicked by a spooked sheep during an air raid while his family was vacationing in the Falkland Islands during the war.
Quote from Frasier in It's Hard to Say Goodbye If You Won't Leave
Kate: Oh, all right. We can do something that you like. What do you like? What do you like?
Frasier: We could go antiquing.
Kate: You know what? I'm not one of those people for whom "antique" is a verb.
Quote from Frasier in Leapin' Lizards
Frasier: Well, that's one on me, or rather one on me and my call screener, Roz, whose ancestors were once heard remarking, "Oh, what a nice wooden horse, of course I'll sign for it."
Quote from Martin in An Affair to Forget
Frasier: Dad! Dad! I have to talk to you about Niles. I got a call on the show today from a German woman whose husband is a fencing instructor that she suspects is having an affair with his wealthy new client.
Martin: And?
Frasier: Don't you find that the least bit incriminating?
Martin: No, I find it a coincidence. Seattle's a big city, I'm sure there's a bunch of German fencing instructors, each one with dozens of students.
Frasier: Yes, but are they wealthy students?
Martin: No. They're inner-city kids trying to work their way out of the ghetto with nothing but a foil and a dream.
Quote from Martin in Someone to Watch Over Me
Daphne: Oh, how sweet. Your fan knitted you a scarf.
Frasier: Yes, but when did she find the time to put it in my briefcase. I haven't had it out of my hand all day, except for when I was in the barber's chair.
Martin: Hell, that didn't give her more than thirty seconds.
Quote from Niles in Daphne's Room
Martin: Oh, why don't you just get her a nice bottle of perfume?
Niles: She gets hives.
Martin: How about candy?
Niles: Hypoglycemic.
Martin: Just get her a dozen roses.
Niles: Allergic.
Quote from Niles in Seat of Power
Niles: When you think about it, our only mistake today was trying to fix that toilet ourselves.
Frasier: Yes, we tampered with the natural order of things.
Niles: But now, order has been restored. By hiring a plumber, that plumber can now afford, say, a Dolly Parton album. Miss Parton can then finance a national tour which will, of course, come to Seattle, allowing some local promoter to make enough money to send his cross-dressing teenage son to us for $150-an-hour therapy.
Frasier: To the circle of life.