Maureen: Excuse me, is there a problem?
Frasier: Well, yes, as a matter of fact there is. This man is making it impossible for me to converse with my brother.
Maureen: I think he's great.
Frasier: Ah. I understand. You two are friends. Perhaps you used to "gig" together in your salad days. But, if you wish to alter the atmosphere of this cafe, I suggest you consult with the owner.
Maureen: I am the owner.
Frasier: Oh really. Well, I'm Frasier Crane. It's a pleasure.
Maureen: Maureen Nervosa.
Frasier: Really?

Frasier: Did you tell him that he should go out more?
Martin: Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Frasier: Well, he is using it as an excuse to quit therapy. After one night out with you in a bar, the man is ready to throw away three weeks of intense analysis.
Martin: Well, Fras, the guy's finally having a little fun. Don't you want him to be happy?
Frasier: I am not trying to make him happy. I am trying to cure his depression!

Frasier: Roz, if you needed extra cash, you should’ve come to me. I’ve got of plenty of odd jobs around the house.
Roz: It’s not about money. I’m volunteering.
Frasier: Oh, oh, well, good for you. Yes.
Roz: Yeah, visiting Santa Claus at the department store was one of my favorite memories as a kid.
Frasier: Hmm. I always found him terrifying and inquisitorial.

Martin: Eddie's vet told me to get a gecko. It's a cricket-predator. You know, like you get lady-bugs to eat aphids, if somebody would let me grow tomatoes on the terrace.
Frasier: Dad, I told you, it's a condo board regulation: no fruiting plants.
Martin: Whatever. Anyway, just give me a half-an-hour and I'll have that pesky cricket out of the kitchen and inside this gecko.
Frasier: I see. So we set a lizard loose to catch the cricket?
Martin: Mmm-hmm.
Frasier: Then what? We get an owl to eat the gecko? Then we get a tiger to eat the owl? What eats the tiger, Dad? Tell me that!
Martin: An alligator, for one, smart guy.

Dr. Morey: You know, Daphne, I'm always curious, when was it that you first suspected you had psychic ability?
Daphne: Oh, years ago, when I was a little girl. Grammy Moon first saw the gift in me. See, I was a girl in a house full of boys, which I hated, until Grammy told me that only Moon women had second sight. She had it, her mother had it and so on. After that, I began noticing I could sense things before they happened, sort of like a secret power. Anyway, it's just always been a part of who I am.

Frasier: Oh, Dad, you're going to have to clear out. Daphne and I are meeting with my lawyer.
Martin: I don't know why you have to go with that high-priced lady instead of the guy I recommended.
Frasier: Please. Donny is suing me for emotional distress. Your guy wanted me to limp into court wearing a neck brace and claiming not to speak English.
Martin: Hey, you don't keep an office in the mall for twelve years without knowing a few tricks.

Niles: How long is this going to take?
Frasier: Now, Niles, I was fortunate enough that the artist is actually here tonight. I'm certainly not going to rush him. Now, you know, you better finish your lasagna, you don't want to offend Stefano.
Niles: Offend him? So far tonight I have had the prosciutto di Parma, the pesto Genovese and the Venetian Sea Bass. One more bite, and we'll conclude our little tour of Italy with my impression of Pompeii!

Frasier: You know, Daph, we really are going to miss you around here.
Daphne: It's going to be hard for me, too. Something I haven't even wanted to think about, leaving. I know I grumble a bit, but I do love you and your father. I'll still come around, though. We'll all still see each other.
Frasier: You know what?
Daphne: What's that, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Dad's chair.
Daphne: I'm not taking it with me if that's where you're heading.
Frasier: It's so comfortable.
Daphne: You took quite a few of those pills, didn't you? ... You know what's curious, though?
Frasier: Cats!
Daphne: [laughs] Yes. But I'm talking about our little mix-up. When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me," he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that?
Frasier: Oh, that. He meant Niles.
Daphne: What?
Frasier: Niles. He's crazy about you.

Niles: Oh but. Dad, don't forgot to pack some sturdy knee socks. I should get some for myself. You remember the insect situation at the cabin.
Frasier: Good Lord, Niles, not this bug phobia of yours.
Niles: It's not a phobia. The mosquitoes up there are huge. My first summer I was chased off the end of the dock by one the size of a pelican.

Sam: It's all right. I've been called back to work. It would be a shame to let a good meal go to waste.
Niles: [sniffs] Ah, Frasier's morel mushroom and tarragon sauce.
Sam: Wow. How did you know that?
Frasier: Niles has always been able to identify a sauce from a great distance.
Martin: His mother and I were so proud.