Daphne: All I want is a quiet night at home.
Simon: Oh, Stilts, you and I are of one mind. I'll hoist a beer while you get dinner started, and then when our bellies are full and you've done the dishes, we will adjourn to the Winnebago where Mr. Jean Claude van Damme, the "Muscles from Brussels", will ply his trade against the forces of evil.
Frasier: [to Daphne] Ready at eight?
Daphne: Make it seven-thirty.

Daphne: So you're just going to leave in the middle of the night and not even tell her?
Simon: Look, Stilts, if you want to take care of Mum, that's your choice, but I've got to live my life.
Daphne: You are so selfish! For once in your life you have a chance to be responsible, be a man and do right by your family. Why don't you think about that before you go flitting off to California?
Simon: Well, I'm sorry, Daphne. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I don't have it in me. It's not who I am. I'll see you.

Martin: Frasier, I invited Simon to stay in my Winnebago. Come on Simon, I'll show you your new digs.
Frasier: Oh, lord. Simon, you know I...
Simon: Oh, no, forget about it. It's no worse than what I was just sayin' about you in the kitchen.
Frasier: Good one.
Simon: [to Martin] He thinks I'm joking.

Simon: Call me crazy, but you know what I think we all need right now? A nice pot of fondue. I'm sure I seen one in here somewhere.

Frasier: To better days. For all of us.
Daphne: Why, what happened to you?
Frasier: Well, I went down to talk to Donny, try to convince him to drop his lawsuit against you. Instead, he's now suing me as well for the part I played in getting you two together.
Daphne: Well, I am so sorry, Dr. Crane. This is turning into such a horrible mess. Not that I expected it to be a bed of roses, mind you, but it's gotten so you're wonder what God-awful calamity's going to befall us all next.
Simon: [entering] Something smells in your elevator. Oh, now it smells in here, too. I'm beginning to think this is not such a ritzy building after all.

Daphne: [after Niles leaves] But what about our date?
Simon: Now, now, now, Daphne. Don't cry, don't cry. It's all right. This sounds like a job for Braveheart.

Simon: Hello? Hello, is anybody home?
Martin: Hey, Simon. Just making coffee. You want some?
Simon: Ahh, I was thinking of something colder with a bit more of an amber hue.
Martin: Beer?
Simon: Brilliant! if you aren't the finest detective in Seattle, I am the Prince of Wales.

Niles: Um, where's Mr. Moon?
Daphne: Oh. Well, actually there's been a slight change of plans.
Simon: Hello, hello.
Frasier: Simon!
Niles: Simon?
Martin: Buddy, how you doing?
Simon: Well, I'm thirsty for a start.

Martin: Hey, you better not let Frasier see you wipe your hands on the couch. He's mad enough that you ate that stuff he puts on his face.
Simon: I'm telling you, it was marmalade.

Niles: Wait till you taste the apple crisp that Daphne made for dessert.
Roz: Mmm.
Simon: Is that that delicious apple thing with the crispy bits on top?
Daphne: We still have ice cream.
Simon: Well, well, this is getting embarrassing.