Frasier: You know Roz, I would have thought that the gentleman over there with the flannel shirt would have been more your type.
Roz: Him? Not a chance. See the way he's slurping his orange juice? Sloppy kisser! You can tell right away the guy's no good in bed. He's so cautious. Look at the way he's blowing on his coffee.
[Frasier and Roz turn to Niles who is blowing on his coffee]
Niles: I wasn't trying to cool it. I was simply blowing a foam hole.
Roz: You don't even wrinkle the sheets, do you?

Daphne: Here we are. One cup of tea: half Darjeeling, half Chamomile, skim milk, a packet of sweetener. Oh, and I thought you might enjoy a nice fat-free tea biscuit. Will there be anything else?
Bebe: No. You run along, I'm fine.
Daphne: You're sure now? Because I could wait until you finish the biscuit and floss your teeth for you.
Bebe: You are a cheeky little monkey, aren't you? [Eating the cookie] This cookie tastes like meat!
Daphne: Yes, and it'll remove tartar, and give you a nice, shiny coat. [Daphne lobs one to Eddie]

Niles: What is this? Has Frasier been attempting the laundry again?
Martin: No, that's Eddie's. It's for a safety talk Eddie and I are giving at Glenbrook Elementary.
Daphne: Sounds like fun.
Martin: Oh, yeah! We're replacing a talking parrot act. Officer Chirpy and Sergeant Bob. Dick Chirpy was one of the finest officers I ever served with. It's funny, you know, with a name like Chirpy, you'd think he'd be the parrot, but as I said before, he wasn't, he was the guy. The parrot being Bob.

Niles: Frasier, you always think you look bad in pictures.
Frasier: Niles, this is not some photo I can throw away. This is a picture of me in a famous restaurant. My God, I dreamed my entire life of being on that wall.
Niles: And now you are. Are you really so vain that that's not honor enough?
Frasier: Vanity has nothing to do with it. It's about misrepresentation. And you know, if I were you, I would be careful about bandying about the word vain, Mr. $250 Haircut.
Niles: I have problem follicles.

Frasier: [on the phone] Henri, you can't ban me from your bistro. It's my chez away from chez! Very well. Goodbye, Henri.

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Frasier: But clearly I was wrong. I mean, why on earth would I do such a thing?
Martin: Because you've always been gunning for that chair. I accidentally stain your carpet, and you set fire to the one thing in this apartment I care about and heave it out into the street!