Frasier: You know what? I was just heading down. We're out of ice.
Noel: Oh, not anymore. I brought a twenty-pound bag. Just call me Noel Shempsky, Party Saver.

Noel: Knock knock?
Roz: Noel...
Noel: Oh, I haven't seen that outfit before, set your phasers on stunning.

Roz: Listen, I need to talk to you. I can not accept anniversary gifts.
Noel: Oh, I know that. I was just making a little joke. I know we're just friends. I saw this and it made me think of you.
Roz: Okay. Thanks. It's really sweet.
Noel: Oh, if you're not going to open it for a while, you might want to move the the ribbon. It's blocking the air holes.

Noel: Isn't this a splendiferous surprise? So Roz, Dr. Crane, is this a date?
Niles: No, just a chance meeting.
Noel: Oh, great.
Niles: [to Roz] Sorry.
Noel: So Roz, where is this person you told me you had a date with?
Roz: That got cancelled.
Noel: Oh. "Cancelled," you say? And here you are, showing up at my regular Saturday night hangout. Will the coincidences never stop? Perhaps you'd care to join me for a late supper?
Roz: No, Noel. As I said earlier, I'm really not in the mood.
Noel: Playing hard to get, I see. [to Niles] It's all part of the mating dance. Watch and learn.

Frasier: Noel, don't you have any friends that could do this for you?
Noel: Trust me, there are no friends in the world of Star Trek autography.

Noel: Now, be sure to keep it in this acid-free covering until the actual signing, and if you must handle it, use these cotton gloves.
Frasier: Okay.
Noel: You'll be the hit of the Bar Mitzvah, I promise. And don't be surprised if you get caught up in the fun of the convention, too.

Frasier: It's not really such a big deal is it, Noel?
Noel: It's a huge deal. Who knows when I'll get to see Scott Bakula again? I'll be the laughingstock of my clan.
Frasier: Noel, try to remem... Clan? No, never mind. Never mind. Noel, surely you realize that Star Trek is just a TV show.
Noel: So was Brideshead Revisited!
Frasier: You're angry, so I'm going to ignore that.

Roz: "Dear Noel. I hope this begins to repay you for your great kindness to me, especially in light of my negligence. Your friend, Frasier Crane."
Noel: He called me "friend"?
Roz: That's really sweet of him.
Noel: I've got to call him before he delivers his speech.
Roz: You taught him dirty words in Hebrew, didn't you?
Noel: Uh, not quite. They're the same words, but they're in Klingon.
Roz: From Star Trek? That's not even real.
Noel: It's the fastest growing language on the planet! This is what you people don't understand. A man named Gene Roddenberry had a vision...
Roz: Call him!

Noel: I see giant steaks with legs.
Bulldog: You're hallucinating. [Bulldog slaps the back of Noel's head] Just pull it together.
Kenny: Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council Dancers. They're on after us.
[Noel returns the favor and slaps Bulldog's head]

[After Roz kissed Noel on the lips, and he made the most of it]
Gil: Well. Was that worth waiting for?
Noel: He asked you a question, Roz.