Frasier: As many of you may know, my producer of ten years, Roz Doyle, has left us for greener pastures.
[In the producer's booth, we see Roz removing Dana's headphones and then wheeling her out into the corridor]
Frasier: You know, Roz was not only known for her producing prowess, but also for her warmth, her kindness and her gentle spirit.
[Through the window behind Frasier, we see Dana rolling down the corridor]
Frasier: Very well, then, the beginning of a new era. Let's go to our first caller.
Roz: [back at her console] We have Scott on line two.

Karen: Niles Crane?
Karen: Hi. I'll get you a cup and you can start...
Karen: No, no. I've already donated my essence to your establishment, now I'd like to get it back.
Karen: I'm sorry. It's against our policy to return essences.
Niles: Oh, I see. Well, could I at least check and see whether my donation was used? You know, see if my deposit has drawn any interest.
Karen: Sir, I've worked here twenty-eight years. Think you can tell me one I haven't heard? Go ahead, try me.
Niles: No.

Karen: According to our records, your sample wasn't used.
Niles: So there are no little Niles Cranes running around. What a relief.
Karen: Isn't it?

Niles: Just a quick question: based on my qualifications, I'd assumed there'd be some interest. Any nibbles?
Karen: According to our records, your sample was discarded. It was rated sub-standard.
Niles: "Sub-standard"?
Karen: Your sperm had very low motility.
Niles: So they're...
Karen: Slow movers.
Niles: Really? But that was more than twenty years ago. There's a chance that my situation's improved since then, isn't there?
Karen: Can you run faster now than you could twenty years ago?

Martin: Oh, what happened?
Niles: Got some bad news at the "s" bank. Apparently I suffer from low motility. Oh, sorry, son. How'd Daphne take it?
Niles: Uh, well I haven't had the heart to tell her yet. But I'm hoping I won't have to. I did some research today and I found out, there's some things I can do to... rouse the troops.
Martin: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Niles: Uh, for instance wearing baggy pants. And boxers instead of briefs. Studies show that men who allow their genitals to swing freely...
Martin: Okay, got it!

Frasier: Niles, Julia and I have never been together sexually. Look what happened with Roz. We slept together two ago, she's still suffering. [Niles gives Frasier a quizzical look] In the sense of pining!
Niles: Well, Frasier, you don't really suppose that after one night Julia-
Frasier: Oh, open your eyes, Niles! It's the same scenario: an infatuated co-worker, a night of passion. What if things don't work out between us? Every day she'll be forced to stare through the glass at me. Wondering what might have been, until one day, like Roz, she goes mad!
Niles: Um... I'm leaving now. Can I pick you up anything on Earth?

Frasier: Oh, Niles, don't you see? I'm just trying to be responsible. I don't want to sleep with Julia until I know that there's a future for us.
Niles: Well, Frasier, I'm sure you'll make the right choice. But if you'll permit me an observation, you do tend to take things to extremes. [Niles pants start beeping] Oh, I have to plug myself into the cigarette lighter and recharge.

Julia: Frasier, is everything all right?
Frasier: Yes, of course.
Julia: Because if you're not interested...
Frasier: No, no, I am. I am. I'm very interested. It's just that... before we take things to the next level, you should know there are certain risks.
Julia: Oh, my God. You've got a sexually transmitted dis...
Frasier: No, no, no. Of course not. Of course not. Although, in a manner of speaking...

Frasier: Is everything okay?
Roz: Look, I know how crazy I've been acting lately. Here last night, and today at the radio station. I mean, I don't even understand it myself. But then I took a long walk and I think I've figured it out. I just feel so stupid.
Frasier: No, Roz. Not stupid, human. And all too vulnerable. You've realized that you're in love with me.
Roz: No, that's not it.
Frasier: Come on.
Roz: I can see why you'd think that, based on how I've been acting, but that's not it.
Frasier: Okay. Okay, just to be clear, you haven't been pining for me since we slept together?
Roz: God, no! Weren't you there?

Daphne: I just thought I'd follow your father's advice: a little less science, a little more romance.
[As Daphne kisses Niles, she hears a whirring and beeping sound. She looks down to his pants]
Daphne: And apparently it's working.
Niles: That would be my TestiCool 2000.