Frasier: Hi, it's me, Frasier. Listen, I'm aware of the time, it's just that... Well, you're the last person on Earth I thought I'd be calling but I had this dream and I had to talk to you about it.
Lilith: Oh, God. I suppose you expect me to be awake for this conversation, don't you?
Frasier: Okay, I'll be brief. It's just that I'm on vacation with my girlfriend Claire, a woman who by all conventional measures is perfect for me, and yet I just had a vivid sexual dream about someone who differs from her entirely.
Lilith: A man?
Frasier: Not that different.

Lilith: Someone you've slept with?
Frasier: Well, yes, but it didn't work out. You see, we- I worshiped her for years, but then we had a parting of the ways because it turned out she was just unpleasant and confrontational, self-centered...
Lilith: Frasier, if you're dreaming about me, just say it.
Frasier: No, Lilith, it's not you.

Lilith: All right. Why does this dream about Lana upset you?
Frasier: I don't know.
Lilith: Are you sure?
Frasier: Lilith? Do you think I know how to be happy?
Lilith: Of course you do. You just like a challenge. You've never been one to take the easy road.
Frasier: Well, it seems I've skidded right off the road this time and into a ditch. A deep one.
Lilith: Well, you could try to throw it into reverse and spin your wheels for a while. Or you could get out into the ditch and get yourself a little dirty.
Frasier: I see. Lana's the ditch, right?
Lilith: It's your metaphor.
Frasier: Yes, well I guess I've got some thinking to do. Thanks for talking, Lilith.
Lilith: Anytime. I love you, Frasier.
Frasier: I love you, too.

Lilith: Here we are. File A, slide sheet 1, image 1 of subject Frederick G. Crane.
Frederick: Mom!
Lilith: Here you are, just an hour after being wrestled from my grudging womb.
Frederick: Gross!
Lilith: You know, if you'd like there's still time to include this in your Bar Mitzvah video.
Frederick: Thanks, but I just want to get through this thing with as little humiliation as possible.
Lilith: Oh, look at this. Your hospital cap. The very combed cotton that swaddled your little...[voice breaking] head.
Frederick: Are you okay?
Lilith: Of course I am. It's only natural that there should be some emotional upheaval caused by the impending shift in our relationship. I knew it would come, I just wasn't expecting such a roller coaster. ... All done.

Lilith: Thank you. I am very proud to participate in the coming-of-age ritual of my son, Frederick Gaylord Crane. Frederick, on this momentous occasion, I can only look at you and see that innocent, chubby-legged toddler who once danced naked at the Boston Pops. The little boy whose favorite meal was "buh-sghetti." I can't count the number of bedtimes we spent cuddled together reading The Cat in the Hat. "The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play, so we sat in the house on that cold, cold wet day." [breaking down in tears] Don't grow up! Not yet!

Albert: Sorry. I'm a ... nervous flyer.
Lilith: Yes, I see. Oh, you're white as a sheet.
Albert: No, actually, I'm always this pale. My ex-wife used to say she could tell when I was embarrassed because I'd turn off-white.
Lilith: I can empathize. Sometimes after a late night, I've covered my under-eye circles with Liquid Paper.

Lilith: Natural fertilization is impractical. I'd have to fly to Seattle every time I ovulate.
Frasier: Right, okay. So, then your plan is for me to visit some local doctor, freeze my essence and then bring it home with you.
Lilith: Correct. I'll take mine to go.

Lilith: So, the pasta is good here?
Frasier: Oh, the best.
Lilith: [singing to the tune of "Ode to Joy"] My dad is the gweatest dad because he cooks me Cweam of Wheat...
Frasier: Lilith, what are you singing?
Lilith: Was I singing?
Frasier: You were singing "My Dad Is the Gweatest Dad."
Lilith: Oh, you mean that song Frederick wrote for you when he was four.
Frasier: That video is one of my prized possessions.

Frasier: I see what you're doing, you know.
Lilith: What?
Frasier: You are attempting to manipulate me by invoking powerful emotional memories.
Lilith: I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth.
Waiter: Are you ready to order?
Lilith: Yes. I'll have the basgetti and beatmalls.
Waiter: Mmm. Very good Miss.
Lilith: That's what our son used to say when he was three.

Frasier: Lilith, I'm afraid you're idealizing parenthood. Do you remember colic, teething, changing mountains of diapers?
Lilith: Do you remember that time in the bath when he tried to eat the bubbles? We told him to stop, but we kept laughing so he thought it was funny and kept doing it.
Frasier: You know, I'd forgotten that. Oh, I wish we had that on video.
Lilith: You can, Frasier. We can have those days back again. Please, I just need is a couple of teaspoons.