Bulldog: What the hell are you doing here?
Ted: I know, I'm sorry.
Bulldog: You are supposed to be gone. How many of my own fingers do I have to dislocate before you take me seriously?

Bebe: Don't worry, I'll calm her down. [shaking Roz] Pull yourself together, do you hear me? We need this show.

Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, it's our station manager, KACL's own Kenny Daly.
Kenny: Listen, Doc, I got a special someone out there who'd like to say "Hello".
Frasier: By all means, let's bring him in, Kenny. Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest has finally arrived. Please welcome...
Bulldog: [barks, uses an air horn]
Frasier: ...Bulldog!
Bulldog: Great to see you, Doc. Hey, Roz.
Frasier: Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's our old friend and former colleague, Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe. Thanks for coming down and helping me celebrate my two thousandth show.
Bulldog: Yeah, yeah congrats. I didn't' think you'd last two weeks. Listen up, sports fans, Bulldog here. I know what you're all thinking, Bulldog's been gone too long. How can you get me back on the air? Okay, listen up. You send your cards and letters of support to Kenny Daly, KACL, PO Box....
Frasier: All right, Bulldog, our special guest has arrived.
Bulldog: PO Box 451, Seattle...

Frasier: You know, in nine years this is the first time I've been down to the archives.
Roz: Oh, my God, I remember this place.
Frasier: Really?
Roz: I came down here once after a Christmas party.
Frasier: Whatever for?
Roz: Well, I had a little too much champagne, and you know how you get a little lonely around the holidays?
Bulldog: Brings back memories, huh, Roz?
Frasier: Bulldog!
Bulldog: That was some Christmas, huh? When Santa left a bit of Bulldog in your stockings.

Gil: Will you stop that infernal bouncing?
Bulldog: No, sir. No, sir. Gotta keep moving. Constant movement equals constant calorie burn. You sure you guys don't want some appetite suppressants?
Roz: What the hell are those things anyway?
Bulldog: They're fine. They're fine. They're natural. They have ginseng.

Bulldog: "The Salmon"? That's what you want to name our expansion hockey team, "The Seattle Salmon"?! Why don't you take your two IQ points, rub them together, see if you can't start a fire, beat it!

Bulldog: This is why I hate you. You are always trying to change my tried-and-true format. Why can't we do it?
Roz: Because I got you an interview with Wayne Gretsky.
Bulldog: See, Way- Wayne Gretsky?
Roz: Mmm-hmm.
Bulldog: Wayne Gretsky! This is awesome! This is total brilliance! This is- a pinched nerve.

Frasier: Well, Bebe, that is what my contract calls for.
Bebe: A slave contract you negotiated two years ago before you even had an agent. They took advantage of your inexperience.
Frasier: I thought it was a very generous offer.
Bebe: Oh please, do you have any idea how hot you are? I get offers every day from other stations, offering the moon for you!
Frasier: Good Lord, am I really that hot?
Bebe: Are you kidding? If I were a pot roast, I'd be done.

Bulldog: You got to save her, Doc. My contract's up in six weeks, she's my agent too.

Frasier: In the meantime, listeners, I've enjoyed our time today. Tune in again tomorrow when we'll be talking
with...
Bulldog: [into microphone] Blah, blah, Frasier Crane Show, happy health, goodbye!