Ray: Will you shut up about the stupid golf? There's bigger things here.
Robert: Yeah, like what?
Ray: Like what is she up to? What is she sucking up to me for?
Frank: Maybe she wants to sleep with the bag boy from the A&P.
Ray: Yeah. I'm serious, Dad.
Frank: Have you seen the bag boy?
Ray: Will you stop?
Frank: Hey, don't shoot the messenger.
Ray: Come on, I gotta think, what does she want? What do women want? [pondering silence]
Robert: I think it's a bag boy.

Ray: All right, here's what I want. The guys are thinking of going to Myrtle Beach for a weekend for golf. And I was thinking I wanna go with them. Yeah. How's that grab you?
Debra: For a whole weekend?
Ray: Yeah, a whole matter of fact I think it's a three-day weekend. So, yeah, I feel like going. I think I'm gonna go. All right?
Debra: Well, that's three days with just me and the kids.
Ray: Yep.
Debra: You should go.
Ray: All right! What's going on?!
[As Ray gestures with the beater, he flicks chocolate at Debra.]
Debra: What is going on with you? Give me that!
[Behind Debra's back, Marie hands Raymond another chocolate-covered beater. When Debra sees it, she takes that one too.]
Debra: What is wrong with you?

Ray: Look, don't change the subject here. I don't like being played.
Debra: You think I got you that DVD thing because I want something?
Ray: No, because you love me! Come on, huh! What is it? What do you want?
Marie: We're waiting.
Debra: I don't want anything. I was trying to get you something I thought might make you happy because, as a matter of fact, I do love you. And it's Christmas and I wanted to get you a DVD player.
Ray: Oh, well thanks, then. I'm gonna go set it up.
Debra: Just a minute. Did you get me those pots so I would let you play golf?
Ray: Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Come on! What? Where's this coming from?
Debra: Unbelievable.

Debra: So what, Ray? Is this what you always do? Have you ever gotten me a present without expecting something in return?
Ray: Yes, plenty of times.
Debra: Yeah, it's just like the kissing. You only kiss me 'cause you think it's gonna lead to sex.
Ray: Oh, baby, that is not true.
Debra: You know, the worst part isn't that you're a manipulative jerk, it's that you think I'm like you!
Ray: No, I don't think you're manipulative. I think you're pretty.
[Debra takes the beater and flicks chocolate at Ray]
Ray: Come on! Those could've had walnuts in 'em!

Ray: Listen, if there's something fun that you want to do, you should do it.
Debra: Yep, all right.
Ray: No, come on. You deserve to have fun too.
Debra: Yeah, okay. When the kids go to college, I'll see a movie.
Ray: You don't have to wait. You want to go to the movies? Go. Go today if you want.
Debra: Yeah, I'm gonna go on Christmas.
Ray: Jewish people do. All right then, you go this weekend.
Debra: Yeah, like that'll happen.
Ray: I'm saying it'll happen. Go to the movies! Come on. I'll take care of the kids, I'll take care of everything. Come on, it'll make me feel better. I don't want to get a DVD player and golf and niceness and you get pots. Come on, go to the movies.

Debra: I'm not a martyr.
Ray: Then how come I don't help out around here?
Debra: How come you don't help out around here?!
Ray: Because you don't want me to! 'Cause you want to do it all because then you can feel superior!
Debra: You- [stammers]
Ray: You stammer because you know I speak true.
Debra: Do you know how close you are to the end of your life?
Ray: I'm not scared. I'm not scared because I'm onto something here. Hmm? Like the DVD player. Why? Why? Why, after years of complaining that all I do is lay around and watch television would you buy me a device that is designed to make the television watching experience even better? We must ask ourselves why?
Debra: You're right. Why the hell would I buy you a DVD player?
Ray: You have problems.
Debra: I do! What is wrong with me?
Ray: I do not know.

Frank: Marie, come here.
Marie: What? What is it?
Frank: Here.
Marie: For me?
Frank: Yeah, Merry Christmas.
Marie: Frank, you already gave me lottery tickets.
Frank: Those were a bust. Just open it.
Marie: Okay. Oh, Frank, earrings. They're beautiful. Oh, thank you.
Frank: Okay, listen, just one thing. You didn't get those from me.

Ray: I want to know, what's going on with the kissing and the marshmallows and the letting me play golf and the big, expensive DVD player.
Debra: Is that what this is? You're worried about how much it cost?
Ray: Yes. What is the cost to me?