Gerry: OK, look, I've yet to hear anybody say anything to convince me that bringing that lad across the border with us is a good idea.
Erin: Shit, he's coming!
Emmett: I really didn't want to have to do this... [reaches inside his jacket]
Erin: Jesus Christ! Get down! Everybody get down!
Emmett: Is there something wrong with her? [lights a cigarette]
Mary: Stop that, Erin.

Jim: Now, once your tent is erect... [Michelle chortles] ... you'll want to think about where to safely store your food because believe me, girls, you do not want to attract predatory animals into your sleeping area. Bears are particularly vicious.
Erin: Yeah, I'm not sure how many bears there are in Portnoo, though, Jim.
Orla: But there was a cheetah on the beach one time.
Erin: That was a greyhound, Orla.
Orla: I know what I saw.

Joe: Well, there was absolutely no need for that.
Sarah: Jesus, Gerry!
Michelle: Harsh.
Emmett: Awful.
Clare: Poor girl.
Erin: Aye, I can't believe you did that, Daddy.
Gerry: I... You asked me to! How could I have known...? Will you all just stop looking at me? Fine... Fine. D'you know what? Fine! I've had it with the lot of ye! And just for the record, back there, I was being an Australian tourist, OK? Australian! And I happen to think that my accent was flawless! [Australian accent] Excuse me, mate! Can you help us get outta here? [normal] Flawless!

Michelle: And how soon am I going to meet this fella?
Sarah: Dead soon. Really soon.
Michelle: And answer me this. Is he a ride?
Sarah: Oh, God, aye.
Michelle: Is it just a casual thing, or are we talking a keeper here?
Sarah: I'm thinking marriage.
Michelle: Holy fuck!
Erin: Catch yourself on.
Michelle: To think, I could be staring at him right now.
Erin: You can't marry an Orangeman, Michelle.
Michelle: That's a pity, cos I think there's something really sexy about the fact that they hate us so much.

Sarah: So, heads, the wee 'Ra man comes with us. Tails, we leave him.
Mary: Aye, ready?
Joe: Go on, then. [coin rattles]
James: What is that? A fish?
Orla: A dolphin, is it?
Clare: It sort of looks like Moby Dick, actually.
Mary: Ah, shite, I used a punt, didn't I?
Michelle: What's on the other side?
Joe: A harp.
Erin: So harp must be the head and fish must be the tail?
Orla: Oh, well, that makes sense, yeah, because fish have tails.
Sarah: Why don't we just do it again with real money?
Mary: This is real money, Sarah.
Sarah: You know what I mean. Normal money.

Michelle: Look, I just wanted to say, while there's obviously something between us...
Emmett: There is?
Michelle: ...the physical thing isn't really working for me yet.
Emmett: Right.
Michelle: I'm not saying you won't grow on me, you're not a bad looking lad.
Emmett: Thank you.
Michelle: But the ginger element... Well, I've sort of got a borderline phobia.
Emmett: I'm not ginger.
Michelle: There's a tinge of it. And while I can't say it won't be a struggle, I'm willing to try.
Emmett: Great.
Michelle: Even though it sort of turns my stomach.

Clare: Listen to it! I mean, just listen to it! I mean... I mean, I don't... I mean, why do they have to be so loud?
Mary: Breathe, love.
Erin: Far worse for me, Clare. I mean, my hearing's impeccable.
Clare: I've read the same paragraph 47 times because I can't concentrate because... Oh, my God, the noise! This whale, he's a bad brute, Mrs. Quinn. I have to know if they catch him. Can I come away with you, please?
Mary: OK, well, if your mother has no objections, I don't see why not.
Clare: Thank you. Thank you. I'll never forget this. Thank you!
Erin: She's taking you to a caravan in Portnoo. She's not giving you her kidney, Clare.

Joe: What is your problem with the big clock?
Gerry: It wouldn't say I have a problem, as such. It's just much heavier and takes up a lot of room.
Joe: I'm telling you, Mary, that's how it starts. Now he's dictating what size of clock you can pack. Next he'll be telling you what to wear, what to say. Before you know it, you'll be faking your own death and assuming a new identity.
Mary: Erin, I told you not to let him watch that Sleeping With The Enemy.
Erin: Couldn't stop him, Mammy.
Joe: Great show.

Sarah: Sure, didn't I predict this?
Erin: No, you didn't.
Sarah: I said this trip would place us in grave danger, Erin. Those were my very words.
Erin: This isn't grave danger.
Orla: Oh, look, that cop's pointing his gun at us.
Erin: I mean, it's not ideal, but this is more of a pickle. It's a pickle, isn't it, Grandad? It's just a pickle.
Joe: Arseholes!

Joe: Well, what do you want me to do? Chuck the wee'un out in the middle of nowhere?
Gerry: But this is dangerous, Joe! He is dangerous!
Emmett: [o.s.] Er, I'm not dangerous.
Gerry: In fairness, Emmett, if you were dangerous you wouldn't say that you were dangerous, would ya?
Emmett: [o.s.] True.