Roxanne: Woody? You stand over here, right in front of me.
Photographer: All right, everyone. Straight ahead. 1...2...
Woody: Whoop!
Mr. Gaines: Something wrong, Woody?
Woody: No, no. It's just where I come from, everybody goes "whoop!" Before they take a picture.
Photographer: Everybody. 1...2...3.
All: Whoop!

Woody: I thought you'd never want to see me again after what I did.
Kelly: Well, I admit, I was a bit peeved at first, but I can understand. I'm just sorry that Mother gave you the wrong impression.
Woody: What do you mean?
Kelly: Woody, maybe I should have warned you about her. Mother likes to flirt. It's all innocent fun. She says it keeps her young.
Woody: You mean she was just goofing around with me?
Kelly: She's flirted with all my boyfriends. Of course nobody's been rude about it like you.
Norm: All right, Wood. Way to go.
Woody: So I've blown it. I've blown it with every single member of your family.
Kelly: You haven't blown it with one very important person, Woody.
Woody: I know. Your crazy Aunt Martha. Of course, she thinks I'm Winston Churchill.

Kelly: Woody, I've got to run. I'm just supposed to be out for a few minutes picking up cold cuts. It seems like a lot of food disappeared. We don't know what happened. Good night, Sam.
Sam: [mouth full] Good night, Kelly.

Norm: So smooth sailing, huh, Wood?
Woody: Yeah, I'm so relieved.
Norm: All right.
Woody: I should have known that Mrs. Gaines wouldn't be interested in me. I should have known that a nice classy lady like her would never be interested in a naive Indiana farm boy.
Sam: Well, I have to admit it is kind of silly, isn't it?
Norm: Woody and Mrs. Gaines... That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.
Woody: Hey, man, you think that's funny? Wait'll you hear this. "Dear Woody, Kelly thinks I'm writing you an apology. What I really want to say is I ache for you, my strong young coconut. I live for the moment when I can harvest your lusty fruit. Love, Roxanne." Is she a crack-up, or what?

Cliff: [o.s.] No! Don't leave me!
Fireman: Ma'am, a textbook rescue. We have the walls covered with mattresses. All we have to do is cut the power, and he'll land there safe as a baby.
Rebecca: All right, let's not waste any more time. Let's do it.
Carla: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. According to this book here, if Clavin can stay on that bull for five more hours, he's gonna break the world record. [shouts] Hey, Clavin, do you want to get off, or do you want to be world champion?
Cliff: [o.s.] I want to get off! For the love of God, get me off!
Carla: He's gonna go for it! [all cheer]

Roxanne: Now come, Kelly, dear. We have to do something about those nut cups, and you know that could take all afternoon.
Kelly: Mother, I'm still favoring Jordan almonds.
Roxanne: Who raised you?

Kelly: Oh, Woody, can you believe it? This is the first time I've seen my parents together since they split up when I was a little girl.
Woody: I bet that was real tough on you.
Kelly: Yeah. Sometimes I think that's why I'm so cynical.
Woody: I like the fact that you're hard-boiled. I think that's what gives us our chemistry.
Kelly: Oh, thanks, sweetie.

Mr. Gaines: Sam, you didn't invest any money with Conrad and the guys, did you?
Sam: I sure did... a bundle.
Mr. Gaines: Oh-ho-ho-ho, Sam.
Sam: What?
Mr. Gaines: Maybe you should think about taking some food home.
Sam: Why?
Conrad: Sam, we just found out the company falsified their profits. The S.E.C. suspended trading. Stock's worthless.
Sam: What?
Conrad: Sam, Connie and the guys are known as "the hard luck five."
Conrad: Yeah, we invest in something, down it goes. Say, fellas, what say we fly to Vegas and lose some serious money, huh? We'll bet red all night. [Mr. Gaines chuckles]
Sam: You going to finish that?
Mr. Gaines: No. [Sam takes his slice of cake]

Norm: So, Fras, how's Cliff's blood pressure?
Frasier: Well, the way his arms are flailing about, I couldn't get close enough to check it. I'd say by the way he's been bellowing all afternoon, he's still alive.
Carla: How do you like that? For once, the bull is throwing Clavin around.
Repairman: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but there isn't much more we can do.
Rebecca: Can't you just pull the plug or something?
Repairman: You got that bull butted right up against the plug. Besides, if we did kill the power, the bull would stop too abruptly. It might send that mailman right through the wall.
Carla: Tell me when the lights go out!
Rebecca: Carla, get away from that fuse box!

Sam: Woody, it doesn't make any difference what kind of tie you wear. When it comes to mothers, it's what you got underneath that counts.
Woody: Oh, well, I'm wearing clean shorts, Sam.
Sam: Oh, good. He understands.