Frasier: Ah, I suppose it's wrong of me to blame Betty for all our problems. I'm sure I'm not the way she wants me to be either.
Woody: Well, how does she want you to be, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Well... dead.

Frasier: The thing that really drives me crazy is the unrelenting tension between Lilith and her mother. You know, Lilith just holds it all in, she has to unload it somewhere, and guess who gets to listen to it endlessly.
Woody: Apparently me, Dr. Crane.

Betty Sternin: Thanks for helping me with my bags, Frasier, but I see you've got that big, heavy drink to lug around.
Frasier: Hello, Betty.
Betty Sternin: So this is where you spend all of your time, while my grandson crawls around in open stairwells and electrical outlets.
Frasier: Well, actually, Frederick is walking now.
Betty Sternin: If my daughter had any sense, so would she.

Betty Sternin: Hey, waitress, you want to turn up the heat in here? I am not a fish stick. Or maybe I should ask someone who can reach the thermostat.
Carla: Hey, hey. Lady, you can't just waltz in here, insult people, and start ordering everyone around.
Betty Sternin: Why not?
Carla: 'Cause that's my job.
Betty Sternin: I would have thought your job was to live under a bridge.
Carla: Yeah? Well, unless you want some bridgework, you just better shut up! [to the guys] Look, she rattled me, okay?

Norm: Hey, Sammy, how'd it go in Atlantic City? You get lucky?
Sam: Yeah, you bet I did.
Cliff: So, uh, how much you win?
Sam: Not a cent.

Rebecca: Now that Norm's come into all this money, don't you think it's time that somebody reminds him that he has a pretty hefty bar tab?
Sam: Oh, sweetheart, he's my friend. I can't mention that. He'll come through.
Rebecca: I don't know, Sam.
Sam: Hey, hey, trust me, trust me. I've known the guy for a long time. He'll do the right thing.
Norm: Sammy, this calls for a celebration. Let's have a round on me, okay? Drinks for everybody! Sammy, put it on my tab, please.

Lilith: She's written vows?
Frasier: Yes. Apparently with the recurring phrase "shiftless alcoholic."

Frasier: Darling, for the hundredth time, why are we going through with this ridiculous wedding re-enactment?
Lilith: Because every time I try to say "no," it comes out "yes." My behavior is solely to please my mother. Why does she always try to turn me into something I'm not?
Carla: Maybe, deep down, she always wanted a girl.

Sam: Hey, rich guy, mind if I do a little reading here?
Norm: Oh. Oh, Sammy, my tab.
Sam: Tab? Oh! Thought it was the Yellow Pages here.
Norm: Yeah. Boy, we've had that thing a long time, haven't we?
Sam: Sure have, buddy. Look at that, we go all the way back to when we didn't even know your name. "Skinny guy at the end of the bar."
Norm: Yep. Yep. It's gotten awfully big. Kind of a disgrace, really.
Sam: That it is, Norm. That it is.
Norm: Tell you what I'm gonna do. Since I've come into all this money, I'm gonna buy you a new book.

Betty Sternin: Is anyone else hot in here? Say, waitress, do you mind? I'm not a rotisserie chicken.
Carla: Yeah? Well, you... You look like one. Sam.
Sam: Huh?
Carla: I just gotta take a couple of days sick leave.