Woody: Another one, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Um, no thanks, Woody. Uh, one ought to do it.
Lilith: [door opens] Mother and I have arrived, Frasier.
Frasier: Hit me, Woody, need some juice.

Lilith: Frasier, I have to thank you. You seem to be trying harder than usual to be pleasant to my mother. Want to tell me what the hell is going on?
Frasier: Well, darling, for the past few months, I've been agonizing over what to give you for our fifth wedding anniversary, and, uh, I thought about jewelry, a trip, a car. But this this cost me even more.
Lilith: "I promise not to fight with Betty during her visit."
Frasier: Happy anniversary, my love.
Lilith: It's very thoughtful, Frasier. Exactly how do you intend to pull that off?
Frasier: Well, I've been working at this for some time now and whatever Betty says, I shall let this smile be my umbrella. [makes a creepy grin]
Lilith: Well, get ready to smile. My mother has never gotten over being upset about missing our wedding. She wants us to renew our wedding vows on Saturday.
Frasier: But, darling, I l think the whole idea is just... [smiles] wonderful.

Norm: So, you remember to put that, uh, that black 17, buddy?
Sam: Yeah, you know, about that Norm...
Norm: Yeah?
Sam: You know, the strangest thing happened. I put all your money on black 17.
Norm: And lost, right?
Sam: No, no, no, it hit, it hit.
Norm: It hit?! All right!
Sam: But Debbie got so excited, she started jumping up and down and and by the time, she was finished, l, uh l, uh, had accidentally let your winnings ride.
Norm: I could kill you! You did that?
Sam: And it hit again.
Norm: Whoa! What are the odds on that?
Sam: Pretty damned steep, buddy. [gives Norm a check]
Norm: I don't believe it!

Betty Sternin: Now, about the cake. Do you like butter cream?
Lilith: Yes, Mother.
Betty Sternin: Good, because that's what I ordered. Now, how about flowers?
Lilith: I like roses.
Betty Sternin: Do you like cascading lilies?
Lilith: Sort of.
Betty Sternin: Good! Because that's what I ordered. Now why don't you go and learn your vows? I've written them out. And I'm going to go call the caterer. Looking at Frasier's friends, I know I'm going to need to order more. I don't know what. Just more.

Frasier: Sam, let me have a quick one, will you? I'm showing Betty the sights.
Sam: Oh, yeah? Where is she?
Frasier: Well, I gave her a little shove into Filene's Basement and yelled "Sale!" With any luck, she'll be trampled to death.

Betty Sternin: So glad you could come, Sam.
Sam: Oh, thank you.
Betty Sternin: The gift table's over there.
Sam: We were, uh, supposed to bring gifts?
Betty Sternin: Don't give it a second thought... Mr. Trump.
Sam: Hey, man, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize we were supposed to bring gifts.
Frasier: Oh, that's all right, Sam. Your presence here is more than enough. Paul, you scamp, is this a toaster oven?

Betty Sternin: Now I want you to stand up straight when you're out there. All eyes will be on you.
Lilith: Yes, Mommy.
Betty Sternin: And for heaven's sake, speak up. I want to hear every word clearly.
Lilith: [louder] Yes, Mommy.
Betty Sternin: Not now, when you're out there.

Norm: Uh, Fras, you going to be much longer? 'Cause I hit that punch bowl kind of hard.

Lilith: Are you going to be all right, Mother?
Betty Sternin: Yes, I'm fine. I want to be ready when they ask if anybody objects. I've written it all out.
Frasier: We love you, too, Betty.

Frasier: Betty, I- I think it's terribly sweet that you want us to reenact our wedding, but have you given any thought to a a little cocktail party? I- I think that might be more pleasant and perhaps a bit more intimate.
Betty Sternin: Well, you're wrong. Very wrong. You couldn't be more wrong if your fanny was screwed on backwards.
Frasier: That wrong, huh? [smiles as he walks away]