Norm: What the heck, you know, easy come, easy go, Sammy. It was found money, I figured, so why not do something that I always wanted to do with it. So, I went down, and I bought a boat. Isn't it a beauty?
Sam: I can't believe that, man.
Norm: What?
Sam: You spent it?
Norm: Hah...
Sam: After all those years of me carrying you while you were unemployed?!
Norm: Well yeah, but...
Sam: You're my friend? I- I listen to all your stupid little comments every day? I- I let you run up the largest bar tab in history, and then you come into some money and you tell me you don't pay me back? You- You spend it on a stupid boat?! Well, I hope you and the stupid boat sink! You big deadbeat!
Norm: Sammy, l... I bought the boat for you. See, it's, it's the Mayday Malone, see?
Sam: I mean, thank you.

Cliff: Uh, how come, uh, black 17, Norm?
Norm: Oh, uh, well, 17 is 'cause, uh, Vera and I were married on the 17th.
Cliff: Oh.
Norm: And black is because Vera and I were married on the 17th.

Frasier: Oh, hello, dear.
Lilith: You caught me. I'm hiding.
Frasier: Yeah, well, this is as good a place as any. This is where I always come to hide from my problems. I mean, my- my work problems, of course. You know, my- my domestic life is just, well...
Lilith: Things are looking up, Frasier. I've been researching the problem of how to deal with an overbearing mother. I think you'll be delighted to learn that I've hit upon the perfect course of action.
Frasier: Oh, darling, how exciting! A breakthrough! What's the plan?
Lilith: To acquiesce totally. Yes, I'm going to let my mother run roughshod over me. It's time to cut our losses. I'm at the third from final turn in the maze and unbeknownst to me, the researcher has removed the cheese.
Frasier: Your analogies always bring it home, dear.

Cliff: Yeah, still can't get your mother off your back, huh? It's very difficult for me to relate to.
Lilith: Really?
Cliff: Oh, yeah. Ma and I don't have any problems. You know, in fact, most people find it's hard to tell that we're even related. [chuckles] Folks down at Club Med are very surprised when they find out we're mother and son. Shocked even.

Woody: You know, Dr. Sternin-Crane, I always heard that you should tell your mother exactly how you feel.
Frasier: Is that what you do, Woody?
Woody: Yeah, right, like I want a whopping.
Lilith: Well, thank you very much, Woody. I appreciate that.
Woody: You know, I have another idea.
Lilith: Thank you very much, Woody. I appreciate that.
Woody: You didn't let me tell you the idea yet.
Lilith: Woody, in certain company, when someone says, "Thank you very much. I appreciate that." It means, "I don't thank you. I don't appreciate that. And I want you to shut your mouth."
Woody: Oh, thank you very much, Dr. Sternin-Crane. I appreciate that.

Cliff: So you see, that's why Shamu cannot really be considered a killer whale.
Dr. Bramwell: Hello, I'm Dr. Bramwell, a colleague of Frasier's. I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You must be one of his patients.
Cliff: No, no. I'm one of his friends, uh, Cliff Clavin.
Dr. Bramwell: Oh, well, then I wouldn't be poaching if I... Well, uh, here's my card.
Cliff: Huh. Uh, thank you. Thank you very much. That's the third one I got tonight. I must have a sign on my back or something.

Lilith: Whenever I'm in her presence, I revert to being a little girl again.
Frasier: But you're not. You're a grown woman. You have a successful career and you're well respected in your field. Now, darling, you must go over there to your mother, look her in the eye, and, for God's sake, tell her that we're not going to reenact our damn wedding!
Lilith: You're right, Frasier. Incidentally, why do you always refer to it as our "damn wedding"?
Frasier: One hurdle at a time, Lilith.

Norm: You know, I know how bad you felt when your boat sank and, well, it's something I always wanted to do, big guy.
Sam: Oh, man. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
Norm: Yeah.
Sam: Hey, listen, about that bar tab...
Norm: Yeah, I know.
Sam: I've broken it down into 36 easy payments.

Rebecca: Hey, Norm, that's quite a little sum of money you've got there.
Norm: Yeah, well...
Rebecca: Maybe you'd like to apply some of this to your bar tab.
Norm: [laughs] That's very good. [chuckles] You know, you're starting to fit in here. That's great.

Frasier: Sam, let me have a Scotch. Oh, make it a double. Oh, what the hell? Just pound me over the head with the bottle.
Sam: Whoo! Tough day, huh?
Frasier: No, I'm not unwinding, Sam, I'm... I'm bracing up. You see, Lilith's mother is coming up from the city for our fifth wedding anniversary, meeting me here. I thought I'd come in a little early and marinate.
Sam: Yeah, mother-in-laws, man, they're tough.
Frasier: Oh, she's demanding, Sam. She's unreasonable, cold, sarcastic, bitter. Nothing is to her liking ever.
Carla: Yeah, we know. What's her mother like?