Diane: Actually, the Boston Pops was the one cultural event, albeit heavily sugar-coated, that Sam genuinely liked.
Sam: Yeah. I especially liked the 18...somethingth overture.
Frasier: 1812.
Sam: Hey, you really know your stuff. Yeah. You know, till Diane dragged me to that concert, I never realized just how many years of practice and dedication it takes to become a classical musician.
Frasier: Well, anyone in particular impress you?
Sam: Oh, yeah, yeah. The guy on the cannons. He's incredible. You know, I mean, I actually thought about taking it up myself, but I think it's one of those things you have to start when you're very, very young.
Frasier: Yes, they say to be truly great, you do. Yes.
Sam: That's what I thought.

Sam: Why don't you guys lighten up on Cliff, huh?
Alan: Sorry, Sam. But you've got to admit, it's a little bit weird, isn't it? I mean, he's never been married. I've never even seen him with a woman.
Steve: Hey, Norm, he's your best friend. Is he gay or what?
Coach: I can't believe what I'm hearing! You can't tell a gay guy by his appearance. We had an outfielder on the Red Sox, Duke Roberts. I mean, he never got married. He never went with girls. He even wore those fancy Italian shoes. And he lived with a guy who was a florist. And Duke wasn't gay.
Sam: Yes, he was, Coach.
Coach: He was? Do you think he'd like to meet Cliffie?

Cliff: Well, there are many theories as to why the Florida orange is far superior to its Californian counterpart. Now, I personally think it's the trace mineral element in the Floridian water. That's obviously due to the frequency of the typhoons and the nitrogen-rich alligator guano. You know, furthermore, there's three-
Man: Say, I just remembered I left my oven on. [to himself] If I hurry home, I can stick my head in it.

Norm: Cliffie... Well?
Cliff: Well, what?
Norm: Last I saw, you were dancing together.
Cliff: Yeah, so?
Norm: So... you know?
Cliff: No, Norm, I don't know.
Carla: He wants to know if you boinked her, you dink.

Cliff: You know what my school nickname was in high school?
Coach: No, you never told us.
Cliff: That's because I didn't have one, Coach. I tried to get one started. You know, made it up myself. Courteous Cliff.
Norm: [chuckles] Courteous Cliff? As long as you were making it up yourself, couldn't you have done a little better?
Cliff: Nah, I didn't want to arouse suspicion, Normie. You know, I hear there's a tribe of men in the Middle East called the Essenites. They're entirely celibate. They live without women. Rumor has it that they are the happiest men in the world. Tomorrow I'm going to send for their brochure.

Frasier: "And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted... never more!"
Coach: Boy, Doc, you tell great stories.
Frasier: That was Poe.
Coach: Don't be modest. It was great.

Frasier: You know, sometimes I think that Sam is actually pretending to be less intelligent than he really is.
Diane: But how intelligent would someone have to be to successfully pretend to be that dumb?
Frasier: Boy, I'm not even sure that I could pull it off.
Diane: Oh, yes, you could. [they kiss]
Carla: Ew, yuck!
Diane: I'm sorry, Carla, if we offended you with our public display of affection. But try to understand, Frasier Crane has the same effect on me that cheap chianti and dice hanging from a rear view mirror have on you.
Carla: Boy, you got it bad.

Cliff: Hello, everyone. And a happy All Hallows' Eve. Guess who I am.
Coach: Cliff Clavin.
Cliff: No, Coach, let me give you a hint. I went to Florida to find the fountain of youth.
Coach: Cliff Clavin.
Cliff: No, Coach, I'm Ponce de Leon.
Coach: Well, I think your ears are too big.
Cliff: What, for Ponce de Len?
Coach: No, for you, Cliffie.
Cliff: Oh, I don't know, Coach. I happen to be very proud of my big ears. You know, a lot of women consider them erogenous zones during heavy petting.

Sam: So, who's next to chill us with a scary story?
Diane: Well, I think I have a chilling tale.
Sam: Yeah, but it's cute when you wiggle it.

Tinker Bell: Florida oranges are delicious.
Cliff: What?
Tinker Bell: Nothing.
Cliff: Uh, have you been to Florida?
Tinker Bell: No, but it's always been a crazy dream of mine to go. I read that they have the world's largest pair of alligator shoes there.
Cliff: That's right. In Orlando. I even sat in one of them.
Tinker Bell: Wow.
Cliff: Um, what's your name?
Tinker Bell: Tinker Bell. What's yours?
Cliff: Me? I guess it's Ponce de Leon.
Tinker Bell: Oh, the fountain of youth guy that discovered Florida.
Cliff: Would you marry me and bear my children? Say, would you like to go in the back and maybe play some pool? Or as they say in Tallahassee, shoot some pocket billiards?
Tinker Bell: I'd love to, Mr Leon.
Cliff: Oh, please, call me Ponce.
Tinker Bell: It looks like you're out to conquer new territories, Ponce.
Cliff: Holy God.