Cliff: Boy. [chuckles] Don't you just love how she says [lisping] "Mississippi Basin"? It just melts your heart, doesn't it, huh?
Norm: Mm-hmm.
Cliff: You know, l, uh, sent a fan letter to my Dorothy.
Norm: Hmm?
Cliff: Yeah, I wonder if she'll ever even read it. I mean, they must get so many.
Norm: Hmm. You know, I don't think so, Cliff. I don't think that many people watch the Weather Channel. Seriously, I don't think that many people know there is a Weather Channel.
Cliff: Hmm. Boy, Norm, are you out of touch!

Sam: Hey, Fras, Lilith. Get you a drink?
Frasier: No, Sam, we are not here for libation this day. We are here for the grand opening of Rebecca's tearoom.
Sam: Oh, yeah? Yeah? What, you gonna go back there and, uh, make fun of her?
Frasier: No, we're- We're going to go have some tea.
Sam: Oh, yeah, yeah, then you're, what? You're gonna spit it on the floor and laugh at her?
Frasier: We're just going to order it and drink it down.
Sam: Well, what's funny about that?
Frasier: We're not trying to be funny. We're just here for some tea. Is that so hard to believe?
Sam: Yeah, seein' how she's been open all day, and you're the first customers. [chuckles]
Lilith: Oh, well, maybe the word hasn't gotten out yet. Although, she did send us this lovely invitation hand-calligraphed on a lace doily. Didn't anyone else get one of these? [the guys throw paper airplanes at Lilith] Very funny. Could have put someone's eye out, you know. [they do it again] Let's go, Frasier.

Woody: Okay, guys. Just made up a fresh new batch of chili. [cheering] Now all I ask is you please leave me some this time.
Rebecca: You guys really like that chili, don't you?
Guys: Mmm.
Rebecca: Well, do you think that if I sold that kind of chili in my tearoom that, uh, I could make $500 a night?
Norm: Easy. But, uh, why would anyone want to go back there? We got a free pot of chili right here.
Rebecca: Good point. [grabs the pot] Chili in the tearoom! Chili in the tearoom!
Norm: Sammy, kiss that poolroom good-bye, pal.

Carla: Sam, she's sellin' an awful lotta chili in there. She must be gettin' pretty close to that $500 mark.
Sam: Oh, come on. So she's sellin' a couple of bowls. I mean, how much chili can a guy eat?
Man: Boy, I can't eat another mouthful.
Sam: Uh-huh, see what I mean?
Man: Thank goodness they sell these gallon buckets for take-out.

Sam: No, I got it, I got it. Let's call the fire marshal on her, huh? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that'd be below the belt. I can't do that.
Rebecca: [enters] Sam, can I talk to you a minute? You know, I just realized that the closer I'm getting to my goal, the more all I'm thinking about is winning, and that's not right. I mean, I wasn't even considering your feelings. You've had that poolroom for many, many years and, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is... [singsong] Ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha! I'm gonna win your poolroom! [exits]
Sam: [to Carla] Call the fire marshal!

Woody: Glad that dinner rush is over. Give me time to put up a new pot before the after-theatre crowd gets here. Sam, I'm takin' a break.
Norm: Me, too, Sammy. I'm down to the last notch on my belt.
Cliff: Yeah, I had to make a new one with a nail.

Fire Marshal Dobbins: Sam, we got a tip that Cheers is operating a kitchen without a permit.
Anything to that?
Sam: Oh, gosh no. I don't think anything that would concern you, you know, just a couple of exposed propane tanks, unventilated hot plate. I mean, but that... Oh, now wait a second. Gee, that's a... That's a potential fire hazard. And you, you're a fire marshal. What was I thinking?
Fire Marshal Dobbins: I think I'll just take a look-see.
Sam: [to Carla] Maybe I shouldn't have called the fire department. Maybe that was wrong.
Carla: Don't chicken out now, Sam.
Sam: No, no, no, maybe I shoulda put a mouse in the chili and called the health department. That would have been funnier.

Lilith: Sam, you should be ashamed of yourself. Do you realize everything that Rebecca has attempted in her life has resulted in failure?
Men: Yeah.
Lilith: This is her first success, and you're trying to take it away from her.
Sam: That's my poolroom!
Lilith: But it's her life.
Sam: But it's my poolroom.

Sam: Come on, you guys, understand that, don't ya?
Woody: Yeah, Sam, we understand. We understand you made a fair bet, you saw that you were gonna lose, and you started cheatin'.
Sam: Well, l- l- l didn't want to be a bad sport. I just wanted to do anything I had to to win.
Carla: But that's no reason for you to be a cheater.
Sam: But you were the one who told me to cheat!
Carla: No, I said to kill her. Cheating's wrong.

Fire Marshal Dobbins: I'm afraid that's some list, Miss Howe.
Norm: Great, now he's writin' her up a citation.
Fire Marshal Dobbins: So it's beans, tomato paste, onions, peppers and ground beef.
Rebecca: No, that's ground chuck.
Fire Marshal Dobbins: Oh, ground chuck. Serves eight?
Rebecca: Uh-huh. What're you gonna do, share with the other guys at the firehouse?
Fire Marshal Dobbins: Why should l? What have they ever done for me? [exits]
Rebecca: Sam, why do you suppose the fire marshal would come by my chili room tonight, of all nights?
Sam: Kismet?
Rebecca: No, because you tipped him off. Sam, you could've gotten me shut down. Thank God that dear man loves his chili.