Eric: I guess it's time for Feeny's favorite student to make a speech. For forty years I have watched you educate young men and women, boy have I. I'm sorry. I can't do this. This is a mistake and I do not support it. Why couldn't you have just gone to Yale?

Cory: Don't tell him we have a daughter.
Eric: I have a nitch?
Mr. Feeny: Niece.
Eric: Niece?

Eric: I married a moose. We don't need counselling.

Alan: You know the real tragedy tonight is that William Shakespeare couldn't be here to see how good you are.
Eric: Aw, he'll come tomorrow. I mean we're here all week.

Eric: You see duckies are good because not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed them crackers and you can ride them. See, duckies are the horses of the ocean.

Mr. Feeny: So, Eric have you perused the tastefully lascivious Sports Illustrated Swim Suit issue?
Eric: Tushies for sale?! Cool!

Eric: Hey, what's up with weasel? She locked herself in the bathroom and she's singing "On the first day of Christmas, I murdered Santa Claus".

Mr. Feeny: Moving right along. Rachel, what is Eric's favorite fish?
Rachel: Penguin.
Mr. Feeny: No, I don't think you understood.
Eric: Bam! [Eric turns over a card saying "Pengwin"]

Eric: Told her we could maybe take a drive when I get my license. She laughed, but it was a flirty laugh.

Eric: It's Feeny's niece. She's unbelievable. I've got to think. I've got to think. I've got to take her to a world she's never been to before. Dinner. Movie. Movie. Dinner. This has to be perfectly orchestrated or -- Weasel!