Eric: No, Eric Matthews will not be beaten up by a woman. Not yet.

Jack: I begged you. I begged you to seek help.
Eric: Oh, this is going to be so sweet. Bye bye Topanga.

Eric: Stay out of this, Jack, it's a one man mission. ... Will you help me?

Eric: I got nothing against the Amish. They're a decent, hard working, agrarian people.

Eric: Topanga, marry me and let's make niknik.

Mr. Feeny: I, however, do wish to talk to you.
Eric: Ooh, it's Monsieur Feeny.

Eric: Yes, hello, Jack's rich stepfather. I'll be your son for money. ... Well, that sounds painful, sir, but I'll do it for money.

Eric: Sorry we ratted on you, mom.
Cory: It was me. I folded under torture.
Eric: Yeah, dad said hello.

Eric: Don't you see what you're going through? This is your Middle East crisis.
Alan: Middle age crisis.

Eric: You're gonna want to know where the parking lot is, too, because that's where the most popular kids hang. And you're gonna wanna hang with them, unless of course you want to look like a complete nerd. (To Minkus) No offense, man.