Tobias Quote #169
Quote from Tobias in Exit Strategy
Tobias: I'm afraid I might not be able to be deposed either. I got a call out of the blue for a chance to play a very important part in The Prosecution.
Michael: The prosecution called you?
Tobias: I assume it's a CBS procedural. Although they didn't send sides, so I thought I'd trot out a Vagina Monologue, or something else I know. And they did ask for old photos and documents so I went and got these out of the secret room.
Michael: The prosecution is not a TV show. It's clearly somebody in the D.A.'s office trying to get you to flip. These guys will bend the law to enforce the law.
Tobias: Tell me that's not a CBS franchise.
More Arrested Development Quotes
‘Exit Strategy’ Quotes
Quote from Lucille
Michael: You're going to rehab again?
Lucille: I'm bringing Lindsay. I'm worried about her.
Lindsay: Did you get the corkscrew?
Michael: So there's going to be wine at the rehab, huh?
Lindsay: Well, wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit.
Michael: [to Lucille] How do you come up with these?
Quote from Michael
Michael: And so you just finished off the bottle?
Lindsay: Well, I had to. It's vodka. It goes bad once it's opened.
Michael: I think that's another one of Mom's little fibs. You know, like "I'll sacrifice anything for my children."
Tobias Funke Quotes
Quote from Sinking Feelings
Tobias: I'm his bastard father. This is my bastard son, Murphybrown.
Michael: Murphy? And his last name is Brown?
Tobias: No. Murphybrown is his first name. His last name is uh... Well, now it's Fünke.
Murphybrown: Oh, that's how you say it.
Tobias: Yes. He's named after a famous private investigator who worked for the Chicago Sun-Times and then for the Washington Post.
Michael: I believe it is a character from TV that was played by Candice Bergen.
Murphybrown: Mm.
Tobias: Well, that is a coincidence. [laughs] Uh, now I have two things to be embarrassed about. The second being keeping this a secret for so long. And I feel like I should apologize to maybe half the people in this room, but maybe most of all... Mother Bluth, because bringing my son back into our family clearly drove Lindsay away.
Quote from The Immaculate Election
Narrator: Lindsay was about to find a replacement for Lupe as well.
Lucille: Who is it?
Tobias: [o.s.] [high-pitched voice; British accent] The new housekeeper. The agency sent me over.
Lucille: I'm sorry. I didn't call any-
Tobias: [enters] Oh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Phyllidia Featherbottom and I can cook and I can clean and I can take care of the little ones. I can also, uh, sing a song or two, if it comes in handy. [sings] When you put a squirt of frosting down your throat Before we take our medications...
Narrator: Tobias had gained access to the studio's wardrobe and makeup department. He was eager to both see his daughter and prove to his wife that he had what it took to be an actor. It was the exact plot of the film Mrs. Doubtfire.
Tobias: In the most delicious way...
Narrator: There was also some Mary Poppins in there.
Lindsay: Let's get this house cleaned.