Season 2, Episode 5 - Aired October 19, 2022
Janine ignores Barbara's advice to not make unnecessary changes and pushes ahead with a new juice for the school cafeteria. Meanwhile, Melissa's new aide proves to be a distraction in the classroom.
Quote from Gregory
Janine: Yes, it's less sugar. It's better all around. It's a really easy low-lift win for our kids. So what do you guys think?
Gregory: Less sugar is compelling. I'm not really a big fan of juice. I prefer nature's juice... Water.
Quote from Jacob
Jacob: I saw an unfamiliar man milling about the rack this morning.
Ava: Okay, well, what did he look like?
Jacob: ... U-Uh, I would say he had a, you know, somewhat curly and spherical haircut.
Ava: An afro?
Jacob: It was... Some might call it... You know what, this feels reductive.
Ava: No, no, no! No, let's get to the bottom of this. Would you describe this person as someone who might have difficulty getting a loan?
Jacob: You know what? It's fine. [laughs] Was it really ever my bike, anyways? You know, does anyone really own anything? I will, uh, leave you to ponder that query, and, uh, adieu. [drops bike helmet in the Lost and Found box] I suppose I won't be needing this. [Ava laughs]
Quote from Melissa
Melissa: [aside to camera:] Ashley is more easily distracted than my second graders. But I got a plan. I figure if we organize her work, it'd help, so I made her a to-do list, which is different from my to-do list, which includes Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Or Jon "The Rock" Bon Jovi.
Quote from Ava
Ava: [streaming] Hot, right? So this is vintage Zara, previously loved. I'm gonna start this listing at $20. Okay, I see you @moolahbaybee.
Can I get $25?
Melissa: [knocks on door] Ava, it's urgent.
Ava: Okay, sold to @moolahbaybee. You better count your blessings, fan, 'cause this is a steal.
[A message "Who is that white woman?" appears on Ava's iPad from "PhoebeInMequon"]
Ava: Okay, y'all, I gotta run. Remember, my live pop-up sales only happen Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Otherwise, I'm pretty busy. Peace. [stops stream] Administrative business.
Quote from Ava
Melissa: My new aide. I want her gone.
Ava: Oh, what exactly is the problem?
Melissa: She's giving me agita.
Ava: We can't fire people for that. I tried to get Jacob fired his first year for buying me a reusable water bottle for Christmas. I found it passive aggressive. [throws plastic bottle into a trashcan overflowing with plastic bottles] And yet he's still here. You gotta have a paper trail of bad behavior. This is a bureaucracy.
Quote from Mr. Johnson
Mr. Johnson: [sighs heavily] All the first floor bathrooms are broken. Until reinforcements arrive, everyone has to use the upstairs bathroom. And I pray to the Mario Brothers they hold.
Quote from Ava
Ava: Girl, is that my shirt?
Ashley: Oh, this? I got it off a popular Depop page.
Ava: @AvaFlaaaaaaaaaav with 10 A's?
Ashley: Oh, my God. That's you? I love your clothes.
Ava: Thank you. [giggles] I closed that account down for tax reasons, but I do live auctions now. Here, scan this QR code and hit follow, and make sure you turn on the notifications so you don't miss anything. The good stuff goes fast.
Ashley: Oh, my gosh. That's so smart. You know, way better than some piece of paper I'd lose.
Ava: Business cards are for gum, girl. This is the future.
Quote from Janine
Gregory: What's taking that kid so long? Who's even in there?
Janine: [knocks quietly] Um, everything okay? You know, Gregory, you try it. I've been told I knock like a ghost.
Quote from Barbara
Barbara: I distinctly remember telling both of you that my bathroom was off limits.
Janine: Yes. Yes. But then I remembered how if you needed help, I would give it to you.
Barbara: And that's lovely, but I said no.
Janine: Barbara, look, it's your free period. Your kids are at the gym.
Barbara: I don't care what period it is. I said no, and I do not need to explain my reasoning to you. When I say something, that is the end of the discussion. There is a period at the end of each of my sentences.
Gregory: That felt like an exclamation point.
Gregory: I'm sorry.
Quote from Ava
Jacob: I had to go over to the corner store and they wouldn't give me the bathroom code without a purchase, so I panic-bought some scratchers.
Melissa: [takes scratchers] Come on, early retirement.
Ava: Yeah, same. So terrible. Couldn't pee anywhere all day. It was bananas.
[Ava is followed by the documentary crew as she leaves the teachers' lounge, opens a door, walks down some stairs and enters a code into a keypad, before opening the door of a luxurious bathroom]
Ava: I know y'all didn't think I was using them little kiddie toilets up there. [soothing music plays] Unh-unh. No cameras in the bathroom. But if you're wondering if I have a bidet, you bet I bi-do.