Jacob: I, for one, loathe that we live in a surveillance state, but is there any chance there is a security camera pointed towards the bike rack?
Ava: No. Our camera is pointed at the drop-off line so I can see which dads have nice cars. Why?
Jacob: A bike has gone missing.
Ava: Who would steal a child's bike?
Jacob: Well, maybe not a child's, but an adult's.
Ava: Your bike got stolen? [laughs]

Janine: You guys missed a great lunch committee meeting.
Melissa: They don't want teachers there.
Janine: Oh, so they just say "all are welcome" as a formality? Yeah, right. [chuckles] Oh, God. Anyway, someone had to get the scoop on this hot new juice. It's two more ounces than the juice the kids are drinking now and five percent more real juice.
Jacob: That's 10 percent more juice.
Janine: Okay, math!

Janine: What do you think, Barbara?
Barbara: I say no. The kids aren't complaining. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Melissa: I'm with Barbara.
Janine: Okay, well, I'm for it, but I would love to discuss further-
Barbara: I have been here a long time, Janine. Trust me. New projects mean new problems.
Melissa: Mm-hmm.
Janine: [scoffs] What problems could there possibly be? "Oh, no, help me. I'm hurting..." from getting too much of my daily recommended fruit servings. [Jacob laughs] There's no downside here.
Barbara: It seems like you have made up your mind. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go teach my children what happens if you give a moose a muffin.
Melissa: It does not end well.

Janine: What's that I taste? Is that the nectar of sweet victory? Yeah, the kids are having more juice, but less sugar, and they seem very happy.
Barbara: That's nice, dear.
Janine: You gotta admit this was a good idea. You know, your kids are probably loving it.
Barbara: Well, I guess we'll never know because I did not opt in for this juice.
Janine: Why not?
Barbara: Because my class will be sticking with the juice that has been working for the past 20 years. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Janine: All right, you know what? I think they should change that phrase to "If it ain't broke, do fix it sometimes because it might make it better."
Barbara: So you want to fix an unbroken phrase that has been used effectively for generations?
Janine: If it makes it better, then yes.
Barbara: Ugh.

Janine: Three-ninths is complicated. A little full of itself. It's not my favorite, but some people...

Ava: Dang, this line is longer than Saweetie's nails. Is there some kind of free-before-ten special going on that I don't know about?
Gregory: We've been in line for 15 minutes. It's been like this all day.
Ava: Has it? That's wild. 'Cause I've been so busy working, you know, I didn't notice.

Janine: Whoa, I thought it was just my class. What is going on?
Mr. Johnson: It's this new juice. It's busting their bladders.
Janine: Oh, but that can't be it. I mean, it's only two more ounces.
Gregory: Well, I guess two more ounces adds up to 200 more trips to the bathroom. [toilet flushes]
Janine: Well, this is a good thing because more trips to the bathroom means more liquid flushing through their tiny bodies and cleansing their tiny little cells. Hydration. This is good.
Gregory: Mm. [thud, toilet flushing]
Girl: Uh-oh. I think the bathroom broke.

Gregory: How are we even supposed to teach? My first graders have never even been to the second floor before. And it takes me 45 seconds at a brisk pace to get all the way up there. It will take the kids forever.
Janine: You time yourself going to the second floor?
Gregory: You don't?

Jacob: Uh, while I admit this is an unfortunate circumstance, it will be nice to have some extra pairs of feet up in the penthouses. [chuckles] That's what we non-ground floor teachers call it.

Gregory: Wait, Barbara, is your kindergarten bathroom still working?
Barbara: ... Yes, my private facilities are intact, due to my responsible juice decision.
Janine: Can our kids use it, Barbara? Please? It's a close call getting them to the first floor bathroom as it is.
Gregory: And first graders have the second most combustible bladders.