Gabe: We had a great discussion. Lots of incredible ideas being thrown around about what they want their legacy to be. And we finally landed on something pretty special.
Jacob: Ooh, let me guess. John Coltrane? Will Smith? Oh, my God. It's not me, is it?

Jacob: I don't get it. This stupid show means more to the kids than air.
Melissa: What, were you born without a funny bone?
Jacob: It's called a humerus. And yes.
Melissa: Why are you like this?
Jacob: Look, I loved Ed, Edd n Eddy, but that was elevated. You know, there are entire subreddits dedicated to the subtext of that show.
Melissa: They're friends with a plank of wood with a face drawn on it. It's nostalgia. It's important. You can't take that from the kids.

Janine: Oh, hey, boys. So, I'm throwing a game night for my sister tomorrow. Please be in because I just bought a new SodaStream.
Jacob: Oh, sick. I have a surplus of CO2 cartridges.
Janine: Is...
Jacob: Not what you think. I'm in.

Jacob: Come on. Nobody plays Drought? It's the most award-winning independent board game out.

Jacob: I don't want to rush you, Janine, but if you don't make a move soon, all your water's gonna become non-potable. That basically means, like...
Ayesha: Yeah, no, we know what it means, Jacob.
Janine: No, we know what it means.
Ayesha: We know what it means. Thank you.

Janine: Here it is. Item number seven of next week's school board meeting. A proposal to transition Abbott Elementary into a Legendary Charter School for the 2023-24 school year.
Jacob: Times New Roman, the most decisive of the fonts.

Jacob: This is horrible. I can't be a charter teacher. I-I don't have the wardrobe for it.

Jacob: Son of a bitch! [refrigerator thuds] Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm... This whole situation's got me on edge. My night terrors have spread into day terrors. I can't tell if I'm asleep right now, or if this is some kind of waking nightmare. Like, you know...

Jacob: I can't believe we might all get fired.
Mr. Morton: We don't know that yet. I have had just about enough, Morton.
Jacob: Sorry. That man knows where my buttons are and just loves to push.

Janine: Alright, what if we petition to take over Addington? You know, we go on the offense.
Melissa: Oh! I like it. A hostile takeover.
Jacob: Did a lot of "hostel" takeovers in Peru. Get it? I stayed in them. Just trying to lighten the mood.
Mr. Morton: Normally, I would politely chuckle, but this might not be the right time to lighten the mood.
Jacob: [slams table and stands up] That's it, Morton. You want to get nuts? Let's get nuts. Sorry. Sorry.