Dick: Badger Day address. How stupid does she think I am?
Mary: I know. And did you see the way she rushed you out of her office?
Dick: And how about how she slipped that document into her desk. Pretty subtle, huh?
Mary: That bitch wants my job!

Vicki Dubcek: Sally, I'm telling you, this guy is like among the top 5 Neil Diamond impersonators that I have ever seen.
Sally: He is so hot.
Vicki Dubcek: He's hot as hell.
Sally: I don't know, Vicki. I've just got this, like, urge coming over me. I just want to throw something up on that stage.
Vicki Dubcek: You mean like your panties?
Sally: What's he gonna do with my panties? I'm gonna throw him a buffalo wing.

Dick: See?
Mary: Oh, my God. I've had her in my house.
Dick: How deep does this thing go? Damn. If only I could get a look at that document that Judith hid from me. No matter how much I find out, I still only know a small part. It's like a riddle wrapped around an enigma fried up in a conundrum with Chinese mustard dipping sauce.
Mary: Well, I'm not going down that easy. I think you know what we have to do.
Dick: Kill Judith and make it look like an accident?
Mary: No.
Dick: We're not gonna make it look like an accident?!

Tommy: We're raking in the dough, baby.
Harry: I'm gonna quit my day job.
Tommy: You don't have one, my man.
Harry: Well, then I'm gonna get one and quit it.

Dick: Poor Mary. You're not designed for flight. It's your stubby little legs, they let you down.
Mary: Oh, Dick.
Dick: Good-bye, Mary.
Mary: Dick, don't leave me.
Dick: Don't worry. I'll be back. I'm going to get you out of here. In the meantime, let this sustain you. [lifts shirt]
Mary: Aah!

Chancellor Stevens: Mary, what could you have been thinking? Breaking and entering.
Mary: Well, actually, it's very funny. You're gonna love it when you hear it because it's very, very funny. [laughs] You want to hear it now? 'Cause you're gonna laugh.
Chancellor Stevens: Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary.
Dick: No! She's not to blame. She had an accomplice. I talked her into it. If anyone goes down for this, it should be me.
Judith: That's very noble of you, Dick, but we caught Mary trying to bash her way out of my office with a crowbar.
Mary: Well, he taught me that.
Chancellor Stevens: Mary, Mary-
Mary: Oh, shut up!

Tommy: $4,200 is not bad for a night's work.
Harry: Exactly. Now, let's treat ourselves to a souvenir visor.
Tommy: Oh, they're nice.
Harry: Well, I'll get one for each of us.
Tommy: Okay.
Harry: Ooh. How 'bout a high roller tote bag? Vicki would love this. I would love this. I'll get two. Ooh. And a jumbo tin of river taffy.
Tommy: Let's slow down.
Harry: This all the snow globes you got?
Tommy: Harry, come on, that's enough.
Harry: Ooh. Look at this jacket. I need a medium. You got a medium?
Tommy: Harry, walk away.
Harry: Don't touch me. I know what I'm doing. Cocktails!

Dick: Oh, Mary, it's so nice to have you back in the office with me.
Mary: It is kind of homey.
Dick: Would you mind just moving a hair to your left? There's a nice window view I've kind of gotten used to.
Mary: Okay.
Dick: Skitch more. Almost there. Another smidge. Now down two inches. Perfect. Welcome home, Mary.

Harry: This must be hard for you.
Sally: No, it's okay.
Vicki Dubcek: Well, that's a cry for help if ever I heard one. Now, you listen to me, girl. Put this down. You have got to go someplace quiet and beautiful. A place where you can just sit and look out over the water and think about your life. Think about who it is that you want to be.
Sally: Yeah. Where's that?
Vicki Dubcek: Riverboat gambling on the Cincinnati Queen, baby! Yee-haw!

Harry: Yeah, I heard about that.
Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a floating casino the size of two football fields.
Sally: Hold up. Two football fields?
Harry: Dos footbalito.