Dick: I've got horrible news. Brace yourselves. Liam Neesam is back.
Harry: Liam who-some?
Sally: Oh, yeah. Remember that alien who came here to destroy Earth, but then he didn't 'cause he thought Dick was such a great human being?
Harry: Dr. Liam Neesam. Yeah. I thought you were talking about the other Liam Neesam. You know. The plumber?
Sally: Oh, yeah.

Harry: You guys! You guys! You guys! What's our favorite movie?
Sally & Tommy: Arthur 2: Arthur On The Rocks.
Harry: Well, feast your eyes on this!
Sally & Tommy: Arthur?
Harry: Yeah! There's a prequel.
Sally: Well, who knew? This is gonna answer so many questions about Arthur 2.
Harry: Yeah. Like the "2."

Dick: He's better than me at everything.
Sally: Oh, man. You're screwed.
Tommy: Well, maybe he isn't. Liam still thinks that Dick is a human, and as a human, Dick is no competition. But Dick is not a human.
Sally: See, if Liam knows that Dick's an alien, they'll be on the same wavelength. He'll have to respect him, and then he'll back off Albright.
Dick: That's brilliant! So, I'll just tell him.
Harry: As long as you realize that by telling him, you may be forfeiting your inheritance.
Sally: Oh, that's Arthur.
Harry: Yeah. See? It all comes back to Arthur.
[All sing "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)" from Arthur]

Dr. Liam Neesam: Well, I'm off.
Dick: Goodbye, Liam. The greatest privilege one has on earth is the chance to feel the bond of the human experience. I'm only sorry that you never got to feel it.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Yuck! Well, then.
["Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)" from Arthur plays]
Dr. Liam Neesam: What's that song?
Sally: Oh, that's the theme from Arthur.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Oh, it's catchy. No, no. You won't find me falling for any of that sentimental nonsense. No, no. Arthur, eh?
Dick: Yeah. He's a rich man with a drinking problem.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Ah. Well, anyway, when I set out to do something, I do it.

Dick: Whatever. I will now dispatch my foe with an elegant haiku. [counts on fingers]
Dr. Liam Neesam: Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.
Dick: I know that! I'm so sick of you! You think you know everything! Will you stop it, please?
Dr. Liam Neesam: Well, yes, that is technically a haiku, but it's rather pedestrian one.
Dick: No, no. That was an accidental haiku.
Dr. Liam Neesam: What?
Dick: I want another turn!
Mary: Oh, Dick, don't bother. I knew you didn't write those poems. Good night. Call me, Scoochie.
Dick & Liam: Okay.

Sally: Oh, come on, Dick. No alien would travel all the way across the universe just to boff Mary Albright.
Dick: Sally, that is so crass! I prefer to think that Liam is here to make sweet, gentle love to Mary.
Harry: That's nice.
Dick: That's even worse!
Sally: Dick, look, I'm just saying I'd be surprised if this wasn't a part of something much bigger.
Dick: You know, you may be right. I don't know what he's up to, but whatever it is, I won't have it! It's time for Dick Solomon to fight back! Right after one piece of blueberry pie. Who's with me?

Dr. Liam Neesam: And of course, "Liam" spelled backwards is "mail," as in the letters with which I correspond with you, and of course the homonym of "mail" is "male," which I find fiercely appropriate.
Mary: Liam, your wordplay is dazzling.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Thank you. And of course, an anagram of "Liam" is "Mali," a sub-Saharan country with an unfortunate climate. And another anagram is "Lima," capital of Peru and home of the Inca civilization. And of course, if you lose the "M," add a "B" and scuttle the letters around, you get... Bali.
Mary: [laughs lightly] That's a nice word. Exotic.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Well, think of it less as a word and more as an invitation.
Mary: Oh, Liam, that's sweet, but I'm still "technically" going out with Dick.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Oh, dear. Look, there's something I must get off my chest. I think of you as absolutely exquisite, and yet you persist in going out with a man whose name doesn't spell anything other than Dick.

Dr. Liam Neesam: Oh, wake up, my little pumpkin seed. Has he ever taken you out to a decent restaurant like this?
Mary: Oh, we go to nice restaurants sometimes.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Oh.
Mary: But he always brings a fly to put into the soup so he doesn't have to pay.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Well, don't worry, Mary. The only fly that I have with me tonight is the one on my trousers, and you won't find that anywhere near your soup.
Mary: Liam, if you brought me here because you thought you could score, well... we'll see.

Judith: Oh, this is awkward. Rutherford is such a small town. This will power the rumor mill for months.
Dick: Shh, shh! Never mind that. I need to listen to the conversation with my girlfriend.

Dr. Liam Neesam: My affection for you is only part of my reason for being here, though. The other reason is to make you a job offer.
Mary: A job offer? Doing what?
Dick: [to himself] Good question, Mary.
Dr. Liam Neesam: I'm giving you the opportunity to do groundbreaking anthropological research. The only snag is that at the start, I can only pay you a high six-figure salary.
Mary: Oh, that's one, maybe two figures more than I'm used to. Why me?
Dr. Liam Neesam: Because I can't think of anyone I'd rather work side by side with... or on top of.