Dick: I'm sorry. I just don't see the difference. I mean, you tell me that this is meant for arousal, and this is meant for aesthetic appreciation. But when I look at them, well, this woman washing her sports car, she does nothing for me. But this woman with the apple and the snake. Well, that's just hot.

Leon: Dr. Solomon, I wouldn't normally ask this, but are you going to teach?
Dick: I've got too much on my mind.
Pitman: Like what?
Dick: Like women lewdly exposing themselves to prurient and lascivious shutterbugs. That's what.
Caryn: Oh, well, I know how you feel, Dr. Solomon, which is why we're staging a protest this Friday.
Dick: Oh, shut up, Caryn. This has nothing to do with your stupid little pep rally. This is about someone that I'm deeply involved with.
Pitman: Dr. Albright?
Dick: How did you know? Have you seen the pictures?
Bug: What, there are pictures of Dr. Albright?
Dick: There are no naked pictures!

Harry: Hi, Dick.
Dick: Harry, are you naked or am I seeing things?
Harry: Why, actually, it's a little of both. No, you know, I was just trying to figure out if this whole clothing thing is just a big scam. And you know what? I'm starting to think that it is.
Tommy: Hey, guys, what do you think I should wear to school tomorrow?
Harry: El nada!

Tommy: This girl Alissa. I've never felt this way about a girl before. She's so different. You know what I mean? I don't even know how to explain it, but she's- She's just absolutely amazing. Am I- Am I nuts?
Dick: Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Oh, yes, I've ridden on that bus, too. What you're going through is exactly what I felt when I first met Mary.
Tommy: Mary? This is nothing like how you felt about Mary. This is love. Do you understand? Love. You don't know what love is. You will never know what love is.
Dick: Tommy, when Mary and I-
Tommy: Can't I have anything of my own?

Sally: Oh, Don, I'm so glad you're still here.
Don: Hey, Sally, what's up?
Sally: You know Playpen magazine?
Don: No.
Sally: Sure, you do. You keep them under the couch.
Don: Oh, those? Those aren't mine. Those came with the couch. Oh, God, now you think I'm a perv.
Sally: No, I don't. You like to look at naked ladies. It's perfectly normal.
Don: Why, yes, it is.

Sally: That's why I couldn't wait to tell you. I am so excited. I've decided to pose for Playpen. [Don laughs] Isn't that great?
Don: You, Sally, pose naked?!
Sally: What's the matter, Don?
Don: What's the matter? Sally, I don't want you posing naked for some magazine.
Sally: But you love these magazines. I mean, you must. This one's falling apart.
Don: No, that's different.
Sally: How?
Don: Well, they're not you, that's how. Listen, Sally, I know what kind of people read these things and what they're thinking when I do. And I'm sorry, but you are not posing and that's final!
Sally: Well, take a good long look at these babies, Don, 'cause the next time you see them, they'll be in a magazine!

Dick: Some scum of the earth dirt peddler is out there with pictures of my Mary Albright, and what can I do?
Don: You can get those pictures back.
Dick: Will you help me?
Don: Damn right I will.
Dick: Will you abuse your police powers to do it?
Don: I think that's a given.

Sally: Hey, I thought you guys were coming over.
Mary: What?
Sally: Oh, right. I forgot to invite you. Well, hey, now that I'm here, I was wondering if I could, um, discuss something with you. You know, one pin-up to another.
Mary: Oh, well, I hardly consider myself a pin-up.
Sally: [chuckles] Well, duh, not anymore.

Sally: Don and I got into this real huge fight and now he's forbidding me to pose in the magazine.
Mary: Oh, that is so typical.
Nina: Men are so territorial. Like they have a deed to your body.
Mary: Exactly. I pose for a few photos in an art class twenty years before I even knew Dick, and he is so bent out of shape.
Sally: You guys, it's just that Don is really, really upset.
Mary: Well, boo-hoo for Don.
Sally: See, I just don't know if I should pose or not.
Mary: Why, just because Don thinks he owns you?
Nina: He can't tell you what to do with your body.
Mary: That's right. If we are ever going to make any progress as women, we've got to do what we want to do and not what our boyfriends tell us to do.
Sally: So, I should pose?
Mary: If you want Don to respect you as a woman, you have to.

Mary: What are you doing?
Dick: Mary, I was looking at your pictures.
Mary: What pictures?
Dick: Of you.
Mary: From where?
Dick: In the buff.
Mary: No!
Dick: Yes!