Nina: Quality time? You actually said "quality time"?
Mary: Well, I was just trying to define-
Nina: Is that what we talked about? Is that what we talked about?!
Mary: No.
Nina: When a man hears "quality time," he thinks it means rub your feet while you watch the Lifetime channel.
Mary: [whining] Well, what am I supposed to do?
Nina: [mocking] What am I supposed to do? You have really lost it. You have lost your groove thing. Come on! Blow smoke up his ego, make him want you.
Mary: I don't know.
Nina: You are Mary Albright. You flirt shamelessly. That's what you're famous for.
Mary: I am?
Nina: Mm-hmm.
Mary: I am.
Nina: Now, you go out there and live up to your trashy reputation.

Jennifer Ravelli: What were you doing to me, orchids?! I gave you a list of my allergies, and what was on the top of page 6, column 2? Orchids!
Dick: Okay, Jennifer, before you go any further, there's something I must say: I am breaking up with you.
Jennifer Ravelli: You're breaking up with me? You're breaking up with me?! I ended this hideous travesty of a relationship yesterday!
Mary: Yesterday? She- She broke up with you yesterday?
Dick: Oh, that's right. You broke up with me. That's how it happened. [makes a "crazy" gesture] Teetering.
Mary: You're incredible!
Jennifer Ravelli: You are so lucky that I'm allergic to any blood other than my own, because if I weren't, I would cut you open from stem to stern and dance in the red, red river of your death.
Dick: Help me, Mary, help me.
Mary: Oh, get out!
Jennifer Ravelli: A plague! A plague on you, Dick Solomon!

Sally: Guess what, you guys. Don is taking me bowling. Can you believe it? Bowling!
Harry: Hard to believe.
Sally: Just picture it: me and Don, alone our sweaty bodies intertwine... bowling.
Tommy: You don't know what bowling is, do you?
Sally: No.

Harry: How did that happen?
Dick: I don't know. For the first three days I was madly in love with her, then on the fourth day, it was over.
Tommy: Wow. So it sounds like it was just infatuation.
Dick: Thank you so much, Mr. Monday morning quarterback. You win the hindsight bowl!

Sally: Look, Dick, you just gotta come clean. You gotta tell Jennifer the truth. It's what Don would do. I mean, like Don always says, "The truth might hurt, but a lie will only get you a billy club to the windpipe."
Dick: The truth, huh? You know, that's so crazy it just might work.

Dick: Oddly enough, being with Jennifer seems to have helped. The less available I am, the more Mary wants me.
Tommy: So you took Mary back?
Dick: Oh, no, no. No, Mary's offer was tempting, yes, but I'm not closing this deal just yet. I can get a lot more out of her.
Tommy: What makes you so sure?
Dick: Jennifer is my bargaining chip.
Tommy: Well, what do you want?
Dick: I want the old Mary. Walks in the park, breakfast in bed, lunch in bed. Changing the sheets, 'cause there's food in the bed.

Sally: Hey, guys. What are you guys doing? Where you going?
Don: I- I- I'm just taking Harry and Tommy in for questioning.
Harry: Oh, I thought we were goin' bo- [Tommy slaps the back of Harry's head] [hums to "Strangers in the Night"] Bo Bo-Bo-Bo Bo Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo [puts a pipe in mouth]

Dick: It seems like it should've worked. A triangle is the strongest shape in geometry, but somehow, a love triangle just collapses.

Sally: Yeah, but, see, that's what I'm trying to tell you. You just gotta be honest, Dick. Like Don. I mean, there aren't a lot of guys who'd actually admit to--
[When a siren wails and police lights flash, Tommy and Harry stand up]
Sally: Where are you guys going?
Harry: Us? We're goin' Bo-- [hums to "New York, New York"] Bo-Bo Bo-Bo-Bo Bo-Bo Bo-Bo-Bo Bo-Bo Bo

Don: Ah, strike.
Sally: Nice one, Don. But they're still winning.
Don: What are you talking about?
Sally: Ah, we keep knockin' 'em down. They keep comin' back. I'm gonna take out their headquarters.
Don: What?
Sally: I'm gonna disable the pin setter with this 16-pound mama.