Sally: Oh, Dick, I brought you your lunch. Look. Look. Playpen magazine is coming to Pendelton university to look for women who will pose naked, and I was thinking... I am perfect for that.
Dick: You, Sally? My little sister posing for a nudie rag. Your exposed body pinned up inside every school boy's locker and mechanic's garage across this entire country? Good for you!

Mary: Posing nude. You don't have a problem with that?
Dick: Why should I?
Mary: Because it's so demeaning.
Dick: Why do you have so many hang-ups about the human body? Is it because of all the hang-downs?
Mary: This is your sister we're talking about.
Dick: So? She's just like any other woman. And women show their bodies all the time. Granted, there are variations in the topography, but essentially, it's all the same map. [measures tongue]

Dick: Are you trying to tell me that there are pictures somewhere out there of my Mary Albright naked as a jaywalker?
Mary: They were very tasteful. Just some black and white art photos.
Dick: Art photos?! A sepia-toned snapshot of Old Faithful, that's an art photo.
Mary: But you just said posing nude was fine.
Dick: For my little sister, not my girlfriend!

Harry: Well, the first thing you got to remember is the women in these magazines, they always seemed surprised to see their boobs. Like they're seeing them for the first time.
Sally: That is so sexy.
Harry: So try to remember how it felt the first time you saw your boobs. You know, like right after we landed on Earth.
Sally: [screams]
Harry: That's good. Now try it after you discovered how much fun they were. There you go! Oh, now, you also got to remember to look sort of sleepy and paranoid.
Sally: Sleepy and paranoid?
Harry: Yeah, yeah, 'cause the women in these magazines, they're always stretching, looking behind themselves to see if somebody's watching.
Sally: Oh, I got this, baby, huh?
Harry: Ooh, but don't smile, Okay? Guys don't like it when a woman smiles. They like them pouty. Or angry. Angrier! Hate me. Good! Now, you're on a safari. You're listening to the birds, but you're sleepy. Good! You're looking through binoculars, but you're angry. Nice! You're being chased by a tiger, and it's just about to catch you. All of a sudden, you see your boobs!

Don: What's the matter with these women? You give and give, and all they want to do is pose naked.
Dick: Yeah. And then they cover it up by calling it art. What a bunch of hooey.
Don: When those pictures come out, my life is going to be a living hell.
Dick: It makes my blood run cold.
Don: My angel is a centerfold.

Sally: He said that I was too old-looking to be a college student. I mean, really, Dick, do I look too old to be a college student?
Dick: You? Well, if you think of yourself as someone who's dropped out for a few years to explore the world, then... Yeah, yeah, you do look a little old.
Sally: Oh, Dick.
Dick: Oh, come here. Oh, Sally, Sally, Sally. There's a ripeness that comes with growing older. Maybe it's what they call maturity, but it's what I call beauty. And you, Sally you grow more beautiful every day.
Sally: You think so?
Dick: Well, look at you. Your big, beautiful eyes. your long, silky hair, the curve of your neck, your supple white skin, your sexy red lips.
Sally: I'm a little creeped out right now. [both run away in opposite directions]

Mrs. Dubcek: Art, smut, smut, art, smut.
Dick: Wait a minute. That's smut?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah.
Dick: But she's so much nakeder than they are.
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah, but, you see, this is Michelangelo and this is... Well, this is Michael and Angelo.

Caryn: Oh, hey, Sally, look, you've got to come to our protest.
Sally: What's going on?
Caryn: Playpen magazine is coming here next week to look for students to pose naked. It's their "Coeds of the Midwest" issue.
Sally: Oh, my God. They're coming here?
Caryn: They're offering $600 to pose naked. I mean, how degrading is that?
Sally: I'm so sorry. Did you say $600?
Caryn: Can you believe this? I mean, they have some nerve expecting that the women around here are just going to line up to exploit themselves.
Sally: Yeah, I hate waiting in line.

Nina: Dr. Solomon, what are you doing?
Dick: Uh, measuring my face.
Nina: Why?
Dick: I've been putting it off.

Mary: I just think there's something to be said for good old-fashioned modesty.
Nina: Wow, Dr. Albright, it only took you twenty years to change your tune.
Dick: What's that supposed to mean?
Nina: That's when she posed naked.
Mary: Nina!
Dick: Mary, you posed naked?
Nina: Buh-bye.