Previous Episode Next Episode 
Indecent Dick

‘Indecent Dick’

Season 4, Episode 8 -  Aired December 9, 1998

After Sally decides she would like to pose naked for Playpen magazine, Dick is shocked to learn Mary once appeared in the magazine. Meanwhile, Tommy falls for his new lab partner, Alissa, while Harry ditches his clothes.

Quote from Dick

Sally: Oh, Dick, I brought you your lunch. Look. Look. Playpen magazine is coming to Pendelton university to look for women who will pose naked, and I was thinking... I am perfect for that.
Dick: You, Sally? My little sister posing for a nudie rag. Your exposed body pinned up inside every school boy's locker and mechanic's garage across this entire country? Good for you!


Quote from Dick

Mary: Posing nude. You don't have a problem with that?
Dick: Why should I?
Mary: Because it's so demeaning.
Dick: Why do you have so many hang-ups about the human body? Is it because of all the hang-downs?
Mary: This is your sister we're talking about.
Dick: So? She's just like any other woman. And women show their bodies all the time. Granted, there are variations in the topography, but essentially, it's all the same map. [measures tongue]

Quote from Dick

Dick: Are you trying to tell me that there are pictures somewhere out there of my Mary Albright naked as a jaywalker?
Mary: They were very tasteful. Just some black and white art photos.
Dick: Art photos?! A sepia-toned snapshot of Old Faithful, that's an art photo.
Mary: But you just said posing nude was fine.
Dick: For my little sister, not my girlfriend!

Quote from Harry

Harry: Well, the first thing you got to remember is the women in these magazines, they always seemed surprised to see their boobs. Like they're seeing them for the first time.
Sally: That is so sexy.
Harry: So try to remember how it felt the first time you saw your boobs. You know, like right after we landed on Earth.
Sally: [screams]
Harry: That's good. Now try it after you discovered how much fun they were. There you go! Oh, now, you also got to remember to look sort of sleepy and paranoid.
Sally: Sleepy and paranoid?
Harry: Yeah, yeah, 'cause the women in these magazines, they're always stretching, looking behind themselves to see if somebody's watching.
Sally: Oh, I got this, baby, huh?
Harry: Ooh, but don't smile, Okay? Guys don't like it when a woman smiles. They like them pouty. Or angry. Angrier! Hate me. Good! Now, you're on a safari. You're listening to the birds, but you're sleepy. Good! You're looking through binoculars, but you're angry. Nice! You're being chased by a tiger, and it's just about to catch you. All of a sudden, you see your boobs!

Quote from Don

Don: What's the matter with these women? You give and give, and all they want to do is pose naked.
Dick: Yeah. And then they cover it up by calling it art. What a bunch of hooey.
Don: When those pictures come out, my life is going to be a living hell.
Dick: It makes my blood run cold.
Don: My angel is a centerfold.

Quote from Dick

Sally: He said that I was too old-looking to be a college student. I mean, really, Dick, do I look too old to be a college student?
Dick: You? Well, if you think of yourself as someone who's dropped out for a few years to explore the world, then... Yeah, yeah, you do look a little old.
Sally: Oh, Dick.
Dick: Oh, come here. Oh, Sally, Sally, Sally. There's a ripeness that comes with growing older. Maybe it's what they call maturity, but it's what I call beauty. And you, Sally you grow more beautiful every day.
Sally: You think so?
Dick: Well, look at you. Your big, beautiful eyes. your long, silky hair, the curve of your neck, your supple white skin, your sexy red lips.
Sally: I'm a little creeped out right now. [both run away in opposite directions]

Quote from Mrs. Dubcek

Mrs. Dubcek: Art, smut, smut, art, smut.
Dick: Wait a minute. That's smut?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah.
Dick: But she's so much nakeder than they are.
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah, but, you see, this is Michelangelo and this is... Well, this is Michael and Angelo.

Quote from Sally

Caryn: Oh, hey, Sally, look, you've got to come to our protest.
Sally: What's going on?
Caryn: Playpen magazine is coming here next week to look for students to pose naked. It's their "Coeds of the Midwest" issue.
Sally: Oh, my God. They're coming here?
Caryn: They're offering $600 to pose naked. I mean, how degrading is that?
Sally: I'm so sorry. Did you say $600?
Caryn: Can you believe this? I mean, they have some nerve expecting that the women around here are just going to line up to exploit themselves.
Sally: Yeah, I hate waiting in line.

Quote from Dick

Nina: Dr. Solomon, what are you doing?
Dick: Uh, measuring my face.
Nina: Why?
Dick: I've been putting it off.

Quote from Nina

Mary: I just think there's something to be said for good old-fashioned modesty.
Nina: Wow, Dr. Albright, it only took you twenty years to change your tune.
Dick: What's that supposed to mean?
Nina: That's when she posed naked.
Mary: Nina!
Dick: Mary, you posed naked?
Nina: Buh-bye.

Page 2