Erin: Oh, the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare Pre-Adoption Standard.
Nellie: Oh, of course, you were adopted.
Erin: [laughs] I wish! No, I um, I made some short lists. I had a couple sleepovers, but I never managed to get in the end zone. I don't know what it was. Not loveable maybe? [laughs] Oh, well.

Erin: Always say that a child is placed for adoption, never surrendered. We're not hostages.
Nellie: [laughs] Although, I have considered kidnapping one.
Erin: Never say that.

Erin: I am so excited thinking about this child you're going to adopt.
Nellie: I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make you a parentless five year old again. I would snap you up.

Phyllis: Just drive away. Just-
Pam: Phyllis, that's not safe.
Kevin: Guys, we only have eighteen minutes left. At sixty one miles an hour we're just gonna barely make it.

Jim: Dwight? Why are you such a jerk? I am trying to do something for my wife and you keep derailing-
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm barren, Jim.
Jim: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: My trouser hives are void of honey. I had congress with Angela and the child that she bore did not issue from my loins. I thought I would be a father and instead I am a eunuch. Neutered by my own building.
Jim: Is this about the popcorn? Or the X on the ceiling? Dwight, that was a prank.
Dwight K. Schrute: You mean you flooded my building with dangerous electromagnetic radiation as a prank?
Jim: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's genius. That's the best prank you've ever done. [laughs]
Jim: I'll take it.

Jim: Dwight, sometimes it takes couples years to get pregnant.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? How long did it take you and Pam to conceive?
Jim: That doesn't matter.
Dwight K. Schrute: What position did you use to conceive?
Jim: Okay, that's not...
Dwight K. Schrute: Regular? Or lady on her back? You used lady on her back, didn't you, you freak. Yuck, gross. Never mind, Jim.

Nellie: Oh.
Andy: I changed my mind.
Nellie: Oh, you signed it?
Andy: Yeah. Not as is, obviously. Made a couple changes. Added some sentences at the end. Trust me it needed it. [laughs] Well, yeah, whatever. So. [walks away]
Nellie: "She's tough in business, but tender with the people she cares about. She'll make a wonderful mother to any child who can overlook weird accents."

Group: Roll Call! Shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, ya ya, shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, ya ya, shabooya, roll call.
Kevin: My name is Kevin.
Group: Yeah!
Kevin: That is my name.
Group: Yeah!
Kevin: They call me Kevin.
Group: Yeah!
Kevin: Cause that's my name.
Group: Roll call! Shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, ya ya, shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, ya ya, shabooya, roll call.

Nellie: Listen, I'm really struggling with this form. But as you know the system, you think maybe you could..?
Erin: Absolutely. I know exactly what they want to hear. I would love to help.
Nellie: Oh, thank you so much!
Erin: [whispers] Just don't tell Andy, because..
Nellie: He hates me and thinks I'm a monster. Should go back to Loch Ness.

Creed: Thanks. Playing a little hooky from work today. Oh, my god.