Dwight K. Schrute: The new IT guy. Nick.
Ryan: Nick.
Dwight K. Schrute: I think he is the key. He's very trusting, he's looking for friends, he has been given an awesome amount of power, and does not know how to wield it.
Ryan: Like Frodo!
Dwight K. Schrute: Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay dumb jock?
Ryan: Well, I think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum.
Dwight K. Schrute: Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one.

Erin: Who's hungry?
Jim: What is that?
Erin: It's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 and say "Who's hungry?"
Jim: Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though.
Erin: Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy?
Jim: Why would I wanna do that?
Erin: It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain.
Jim: For now, I'm just gonna go back to work here...
Erin: Oh sure.
Jim: Yeah. Thank you.

Andy: That was weird.
Meredith: No it ain't. We all saw the Valentine you gave her.
Andy: I don't even know what that card said.
Meredith: Believe me, if I got that card? We'd be in the bathroom doin' it right... now.

Michael Scott: I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here.
Jim: For the record, I fought this. All right? And now, I'm not really sure what we do.
Michael Scott: We make a poster that says "Happy Opposite Day!" and she sees it on the way out... Nah, that's stupid. Ugh! I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men in Black.
Jim: Hey, what was that movie where their boss was within earshot and they could've just gone and talked to her.
Michael Scott: Lethal Weapon?
Jim: That's it. I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way.

Kelly: Um, why did I just receive a mass email from you that said that you don't like me? Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy?

Dwight K. Schrute: [entering elevator with Ryan] I can't help but think that something we did made this possible.
Ryan: Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, temp, I like that. I'm going to engrave that into a piece of wood. Care to celebrate with a drink?
Ryan: I would love to. [elevator doors close, then reopen in the lobby] Why not?
Dwight K. Schrute: Because! Martini bars are pretentious. No, thank you.
Ryan: Well, I'm sorry that I don't want farm boy swill like you do, you know.
Dwight K. Schrute: It is not "farm boy swill," I will show you. It is beet Vodka and it is delicious.
Ryan: I am not interested in anything I have to make myself!

Jo: [to Angela] Just choosing seats, not getting married. Chop, chop little onion!

Michael Scott: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Michael Scott: You know, it's funny. I used to stand in here and wish I was out there. Now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here.
Jim: Well, the grass is always greener.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Except there's no grass out there. It's just a farty dirt patch.

Michael Scott: What is that smell? Do you smell that? What is that? Like a sulfur deposit under here?
Pam: Michael, stop.
Michael Scott: No, I'm serious, we don't have to put up... Is it the dogs?
Pam: Michael...
Michael Scott: You know what, we don't have to deal with this. I am going to Google sulfur maps.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, it's Phyllis.
Michael Scott: No, this is geological.
Phyllis: I sent an email out to everyone in this area that this might be a side effect to my new allergy medication I'm on.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me?
Phyllis: No.
Michael Scott: And you guys are okay with this?
Dwight K. Schrute: She sent an email.
Phyllis: I did.

Hotel Receptionist: [answering phone] Vancouver Court Hotel, how many I help you?
Michael Scott: Hello, Vancouver, this is Michael Scott calling from the United States of America! I have a reservation in your fair city from February 12th to the 19th, first week of the Olympics.
Hotel Receptionist: Well, we are looking forward to having you, so, let me just pull up your information here...
Michael Scott: Okey doke.
Hotel Receptionist: Um, I don't seem to have it, sir.
Michael Scott: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not seeing anything under "confirmation."
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Could it be under "affirmation?" Cause you have thousands of those.
Michael Scott: No. [to hotel employee on phone] We're trying to look it up right now.
Dwight K. Schrute: You did get the e-vite to my barbeque!
Michael Scott: Um, come on.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael...
Hotel Receptionist: Uh, sir? A lot of people are trying to get last-minute reservations at hotels here for the Olympics, but we've been fully booked for months.
Michael Scott: Well, I have been booked for three years, so you should have that. I've always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place, but I am not getting that from this conversation.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, I got it! Confirmation code: XV2RDM!
Hotel Receptionist: Oh, here it is. Yep.
Michael Scott: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you.
Hotel Receptionist: Uh-huh. Seven nights in our street-view economy single?
Michael Scott: That's it!
Hotel Receptionist: Yeah, we changed it since it was a while back. I do apologize.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh, okay...
Hotel Receptionist: Yeah, how may I help you Mr. Scott?
Michael Scott: All right, I would like to cancel my reservation, please.
Hotel Receptionist: There is a cancellation fee for this, sir.
Michael Scott: Okay, put it on my card.