Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight K. Schrute: Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time.
Ryan: No, uh, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw.

Michael Scott: Today, Jo Bennett, the CEO from Sabre, is coming to see us here for the first time. She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride, so she's gotta be kinda nervous. I mean, are we ugly? Are we smart? Are we cool? Are we too cool? Do we speak English?

Andy: [Jo's dogs sniffing at his crotch] These sure are pretty dogs.
Jo: They love a good crotch.
Andy: They sure do.
Jo: You should take that as a compliment!
Andy: Oh, I do!

Andy: [throwing a card at Meredith] Look alive.
Meredith: Ow! Geez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat!
[aside to camera:]
Meredith: Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting or threatening to cut my throat. Don't try to cut my throat.

Andy: Um, I got you a Valentine's card.
Erin: [opening card] Oh, you did? Aw, a bird and a dog!
Andy: Yeah, well it's Snoopy and Woodstock.
Erin: You named them?
Andy: Uh, Charles Schultz did. I thought it was relevant cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember?
Erin: Uh, yeah I do remember. [reading card] Aw, they love each other.
Andy: Oh, look at that. They sure do. I hadn't noticed.
Erin: Wow, it smells really good too.
Andy: Yeah! It's Roger Federer for men, I sprayed some in there.
Erin: Andy, whoa! Thank you very much!
Andy: It's got pheromones in it.

Michael Scott: La la la, hello Oscar!
Oscar: Michael. Reading.
Michael Scott: What are you reading?
Oscar: The Atlantic.
Michael Scott: Oh, that is my favorite ocean! I love it! I am so happy right now.

Michael Scott: No! I can't keep it a secret any longer. Jim is stepping down to salesman, I am going to be the sole manager once again.
Oscar: I should step into sales myself.
Michael Scott: Why, is there an untapped gay market?
Oscar: Sabre has no caps on commissions. He can make a lot more money in sales.
Michael Scott: ... Where did you get that information.
Oscar: Manual.
Michael Scott: Manuel who?
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Well, according to the manual, there is no cap on commissions. I have been hustled.

Pam: Oh, Michael marked his heights. He's grown!

Dwight K. Schrute: [on phone] Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen. He's been promoted to sole manager. We've got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in ninety seconds. [hangs up phone] 89... 88...
[outside:]
Dwight K. Schrute: You're twenty minutes late!
Ryan: [walking up] Um, I was at another dumpster!
Dwight K. Schrute: Just admit you lost track of time.

Ryan: Okay, the reason these movies are so popular, is the element of psychological torment.
Dwight K. Schrute: I like where you're going with this. Continue.
Ryan: Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something?
Dwight K. Schrute: I have an old barn!
Ryan: Yes!
Dwight K. Schrute: It's kinda smelly, but that might be a plus! And then what?
Ryan: We do what they did in Saw! ... I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. I have a mask...
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, that's your idea? Exactly like in the movie!? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life!
Ryan: Well suggest something else then! Don't just-
Dwight K. Schrute: He's supposed to cut his leg off? Think!
Ryan: Don't just criticize my idea!
Dwight K. Schrute: Think!
Ryan: You think of something then!