Pam: [on the phone] Well, we won't be late. I love you, mom. Thanks.
Nellie: Oh, your mom's watching the kids tonight. So what are you two up to? [chuckles] Oh, um, Embassy Suites. "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Mommy and Daddy are on the floor.
Pam: [laughs] I wish.
Nellie: [chuckles] What, then?
Pam: Oh, nothing that exciting.

Nellie: Marriage counseling?
Pam: Hmm.
Nellie: Did you know that is the only kind of counseling I have never had?
Pam: You know, Jim's kind of nervous about it, but I think it could really help.
Nellie: Mmm.
Pam: I mean, we've having issues. It can't hurt to talk about them, right?

Jim: I was wondering if you ever did any couple's counseling.
Toby: Oh, sure, lots of times. Yeah. Wait, you and Pam aren't in couple's counseling, are you? Oh, God.
Jim: No, no, no, no, no. Uh, we're just starting couple's counseling. Uh, which doesn't sound any better.
Toby: Oh, you guys. Kelly called it. 2013. So s—hey! Hey! Hey, no! No! Get outta here. Clark, get outta here.
Clark: My mistake.
Toby: Yes, it is your mistake. He's lingering. So annoying. I'm gonna kill him. How can I help? I'm here.
Jim: That's all right.

Andy: [on the phone] Hello, William Morris Agency. I need to speak with your best agent who represents your biggest stars. Yes, I'll hold. I'm sorry. I misunderstood. Goodbye. [hangs up]

Dwight K. Schrute: Stanley is refusing to go out on a sales call.
Andy: [grunts intensely] I hate people! Why do they never do what you need them to do? Stanley has to go. That's final.
Dwight K. Schrute: So what I'm hearing you say is, "Make Stanley go out on the sales call by whatever means possible"?
Andy: Yes! I'm sorry I'm being curt, it's just I'm about to land a top talent agent.
Dwight K. Schrute: Mmm-hm. Good luck.
Andy: [on the phone] Directory? Movie Star department. Back. Directory.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, listen. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I've never actually done this before.
Clark: Well, if I may, you're a natural.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you. I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head like 1,000 times, but, uh...
Clark: That's a little weird.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, now here's the plan. I'm gonna launch him. I need you to go to the bottom and catch him.
Clark: Catch?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah.
Clark: I can't catch him. He's like, 250 pounds.
Dwight K. Schrute: You use your hands and just blunt his descent, okay? He's gonna be moving slowly. It's only—
Clark: Blunt?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's 15 feet down, it's at a 45-degree angle. Get set in your haunches, it's like your catching a medicine—
Clark: Dude, this size of my haunches— [Stanley's body slides down the stairs and his head bangs into a wall]
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Good call. He would have put a hole in your chest same as he put a hole in that wall.
Clark: We should probably call a doctor or something, dude.
Dwight K. Schrute: [slides down the stairs and lands next to Stanley] You okay?

Erin: Oh, guys, it's starting. Hurry!
Kevin: Ooh, there's Angela. I work with her!
Andy: Huh, yeah. [chuckles] I mean, I'm happy Angela's the first one getting famous, but it's a little weird, no? I mean, she can't sing or act, so it's actually kind of insane, if you think about it.
Phyllis: Her hair looks beautiful.
Andy: Yeah, we get it, Phyllis, she looks like a freakin' movie star. [kicks trash can]
Erin: Andy!

Senator: [on TV] There's someone else I need to thank. His name is Oscar Martinez.
Andy: Come on!
Senator: Oscar is the one who opened my eyes to who I really am. For the first time—
Erin: Oscar is with the Senator, too?
Kevin: Yes! And I knew it the whole time! I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good. You didn't know, you didn't know, and you didn't freaking know. But I knew! [claps]
Oscar: He knew!
Kevin: Yes, we did it!
Oscar: You did it, Kevin.
Kevin: Yes! Oh! I did it. Oh, I did it.

Senator: --with this new self-awareness, I was finally able to find love at long last. With my amazing... Chief of Staff Wesley Silver.
Oscar: What?!
Creed: Wesley Silver's gay?
Kevin: Oh.
Creed: They make a nice couple.