Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, Stanley? Do you understand what we're about to do?
Stanley: Hello!
Clark: Okay. We, hey—hey, listen, listen. We are going to go discuss paper contracts for city of Lackawanna public schools, okay?
Stanley: Pigeons!
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, God, this is bad. Looks like we've got no choice. You, my friend, are going to have to be Stanley Hudson.
Clark: Isn't the client, like, best friends with his sister?
Dwight K. Schrute: New plan, okay? We get him a cup of coffee and we go back to the old plan.

Nellie: That was exhausting.
Toby: Blah, blah, blah, blah. Jim.
Nellie: Well, they deserve each other, then.
Toby: They do. That they do.
Nellie: That is for sure.
Toby: [whispers] That they do.

Dwight K. Schrute: And for—oh, whoopsie daisy. [chuckles]
Mrs. Davis: Stanley, what is going on here?
Dwight K. Schrute: He's fine. He gets carsick really easily.
Clark: Driving.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a long drive. He was in the backseat. But right now we're talking to Mrs. Davis about the full range of the products that we offer and our competitive rates, right, Stanley?
Stanley: Ooh-hoo, look at that baby!
Dwight K. Schrute: Stanley.
Stanley: Oh...
Mrs. Davis: That's Benji in the middle.
Stanley: That's Benji. Oh, he's precious. That's a healthy-looking baby.
Mrs. Davis: Very special little boy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Look at him. I've never seen such a beautiful child.
Mrs. Davis: Funny sense of humor. If you push on his nose, he'll go, "eee."
Dwight K. Schrute: Like this? Watch.
Stanley: Eee.

Carla: So, what can you do?
Andy: [bad British accent] Well, what can't I do? Right, I can sing, I can dance, I can play the banjo, innit? And if you hadn't noticed, I've got a pretty good British accent.
Carla: Can you drive a car?
Andy: At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here.
Carla: Why do you have, uh, a high school musical here on your resume? What are you, like, 40? 45?
Andy: My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically just send me out on whatever Jake Gyllenhaal's going out on.
Carla: Gyllenhaal, got it. Can you juggle and crap?
Andy: Yes. And yes. [chuckles]
Carla: Would you dress up as, say, a birthday clown and go to a kid's party, let ‘em throw pies at ya?
Andy: Whereas that is not why I have entered show business, I do understand that you have to build credibility. [sniffs] I'm all for it.
Carla: Well, Mr. Bernard, I'm gonna be honest with you.
Andy: Well, at least I tried. Thank you very much.
Carla: Uh, no. We're- We're gonna take you on as a client.
Andy: You are? Yes! Yes. Are you being for real right now? Oh, man. Ah, yes! I need this so bad. I really think this is what could fix me.
Carla: We are extremely excited to be working with you too, sir. Pay Todd on your way out.

Andy: Most talent agents take 10% of whatever jobs they get you, but with Carla you pay a flat rate of $5,000 up front. And that includes headshots.
Todd: Uh, it doesn't include headshots.
Andy: It doesn't include headshots?
Todd: No.
Andy: Well, of course not, because that would be insane if it did. Still getting a bargain, though.