Creed: The feeling of pure risk.
Andy: I actually had that down in the cons column, but...
Creed: It's thrilling.
Andy: Okay, umm, I'll move that. Thrill of risk.

Erin: Andy, aren't there also negatives to sex?
Andy: Yes! Thank you! Such as?
Erin: Unplanned pregnancy.
Andy: Yes, unplanned pregnancy.
Kelly: Like Jim and Pam, say whaaat?
Kevin: Just admit that your baby was a mistake.

Pam: Hey, our baby was not a mistake. She was a surprise.
Jim: Good.
Darryl: I'm sure they don't regret having their child, let's move it to the pros.
Jim and Pam: Thank you!
Andy: Okay, unplanned pregnancy, going in the pros column.

Dwight K. Schrute: Forget it Michael! Today is about herpes.
Michael Scott: I know, I know.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who gave it to you, who has it, and who is going to pay.

Andy: Okay, in that case I will now show you how to put this condom on... using this pencil. [Stanley laughs] What?
Oscar: Why would you choose a pencil Andy?
Andy: Well, I'm not gonna use my penis, Oscar! It's not exactly hard right now anyway.
Meredith: Come on, give it a rest pencil dick.
Andy: I'm doing this for you Meredith!
Meredith: I didn't want you it!
Andy: Well, did you- Why- Didn't- Does no one appreciate what I'm doing right now? [throws pizza box at wall] Whoa!

Andy: I don't know, I mean people were being really mean to Meredith.
Gabe: This wasn't really about Meredith was it. You and Erin are broken up.
Andy: How is that relevant to anything?
Gabe: I asked you if it was okay if I asked her out. You said, and I quote, [Cockney accent] "My good sir! Nothing would make me happier than to hand you the hand of the hand once in my hand." I specifically remember it because you said it in such a weird way.
Andy: The only reason I said that is because you asked me so politely! It was very difficult for me to say no.
Gabe: I'll let this slide, but I expect you to put this whole Erin thing behind you.

Holly: [on answering machine] This is Holly Flax, I can't come to the phone right now but please leave a message after the sound of the tiny truck backing up. [beep]

Michael Scott: Hi, Holly it's Michael, I just wanted to call and let you know that I was thinking about what you said. It's just- You know? It's weird. Today, I ended up seeing a lot of women that I used to date, and in my mind they were all great. And then when I actually saw them, it was mostly a freak show. And you and me, that must have been a real train wreck. You know what, Holly? You're wrong. You are wrong. I remember every second of us. And talking to them today, I don't feel for them anything like what I feel for you. I didn't joke with any of them, I joked with you. You are the only one who was actually happy to hear from me. And I don't know why you downgraded what we had, but I did not make us up. Okay. Oh, wait, and you should talk to a doctor because you might have herpes. Bye.

Dwight K. Schrute: Hola, hola. Necesito une bueno worker. Tu es fuerte! Come on! Que? Que?
[to camera:]
Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish]
Son: We don't go with that man. I've seen several men go with that man and not come back.
Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish]
Son: We've lost friends.
Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish]
Son: We don't know what he does with them.
Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish]
Son: I don't want to talk about it anymore.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I pick up day laborers and tell them they'll get paid at six p.m. At five forty five, a certain INS agent by the name of Mose Schrute throws them in the back of a van, drops them off in the middle of Harrisburg and tells them it's Canada.

Oscar: What is this about?
Michael Scott: Oscar, we once sucked face in public. As part of an office presentation to destroy the stigma about gay kissing. Do you recall?
Oscar: Yes!
Michael Scott: You may have given me a sexually transmitted disease.
Oscar: What?
Michael Scott: Herpes duplex.
Dwight K. Schrute: It was probably just an ingrown mustache hair but we have to be exhaustive.
Michael Scott: I have already contacted all of my ex-lovers except for you.
Oscar: We were never lovers!
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm gonna need a list of every man you've ever had sex with. I'm talking train stations, men's rooms...
Michael Scott: Flower shops, fireworks celebrations...
Dwight K. Schrute: Fence with a hole in it..
Michael Scott: Moonlit gondola, carriage drive through Central Park...
Dwight K. Schrute: The woods behind the liquor store, the swamp behind the old folk's home.
Michael Scott: Electric car dealership. [Oscar gets up to leave]
Dwight K. Schrute: The democratic primaries,
Michael Scott: Oscar, think abou- Think!